I couldn't sleep very well last night.

Someone left a comment about my habit of sleeping like a sloth. This naturally reminded me of my #3 Greatest Fear.

Number 2 is zombies.

And #3 is the most vile abomination that Mother Nature could ever conceive: A sloth underwater.

Regular sloths aren't frightening at all. They hang upside down in trees with their two or three toes, move very little, and grow algae on their fur.

But they have been known to come down from the trees, find a body of water, and then attempt to cross it the only way they can. They swim.

It's horrible. This green monkey-thing with giant eyes and hooked claws churning its way through the water, hell-bent on reaching its destination (probably an innocent, unsuspecting, Guillermo.)

It's sad when the Nature Channel scares me almost as much as the Horror Channel.

My greatest fear I will not tell. Because if that information got out, it could be used against me. I'm not worried about the other two. Good luck finding a zombie or a sloth in Arizona. I'm pretty sure they both mostly hang around Brazil.

You Mess with the Bull...

You get a ride to the bookstore.

I was heading down to the freeway to go to Barnes and Noble when I spoke to my friend Marie via my "cellular phone."

"What are you doing?"

"I'm heading to the bookstore, on Ray."

"Where are you now?"

"I'm coming up on Elliot."

"Well, what you're going to do is get off on Warner, head left, then take a right past Kyrene, and then another left, and I'm the second house on the right. Got all that?"

"Um, yeah."

"Good. See you soon."

"Okay."

So I picked her up and we were actually inside the bookstore before I even realized what had just happened.

Clever girl.

At the bookstore, David DoBell and I sat down and tried to figure out why my laptop wouldn't play sound anymore. Well, he mostly tinkered with it while I read a book about climbing Mt. Everest.

Gurg Turismo

Marie was hungry, so we went to a Denny's on Chandler. It must have just been built because the parking lot was just dirt. Against my better judgment, I pulled my emergency brake and power-slid perfectly around the corner, rally-car style. It was absolutely beautiful.

I was especially pleased at the result because I had tried to power-slide in rain before but never in actual dirt. I really hadn't been sure of how it would work out.

I didn't share my surprise at not completely losing control of my vehicle to Marie because she already didn't seem too impressed by it.

I was proud of myself though, and swaggered up to the doors of the restaurant.

Then I noticed that all the people inside were eyeing me warily.

Man, what's wrong with everybody? Back in my day, a good power-slide in front of a restaurant would have gotten you a standing ovation, a free meal, and the waitress's phone number.

Enough For A Hat, But Not Quite For A Coat

Marie and I went back to her house and I got to see her pair of chinchillas. I managed to pet one through the bars of its cage. Those things are incredibly soft! It's like petting a silk-marshmallow-cloud-bunny.

Now I know what Beyonce is so crazy-in-love with: Jay-Z's chinchilla coat. Mystery solved, Amy.

Niles, the Amazing Cat/Dog.

I also met Marie's cat, Niles. He's monstrously huge and acts like a dog. When I saw him I proclaimed, "Geez, that's the biggest cat I've ever seen!"

Marie said, "We feed him other cats."

I thought, that's funny, we sound like the movie "Great Expectations," which was what I had just quoted.

Marie laughed after she said that and then continued, "I always think of Great Expectations, I love that part."

I was quite stupified that we had been thinking the exact same thing, but I was able to cover it up quite well with a dumbfounded expression.

Just when you think you have it all figured out, some girl goes and quotes Great Expectations.

Gurg's Gym

Well, Brian Young's gym, really. He just got this sweet set-up in his garage. I went over there and we worked out and discussed life.

We used to do this all the time.

After a couple hours of working out and frank discussion, I felt immensely better. It's nice to find out that you're stronger than you thought you were. It's also good to figure out exactly where you are weak, so that you can get to work on building up those areas.

But of course, a good work-out needs good music, so now I have to head over to Chimera Eyes to listen to the most motivational song ever written. Don't be afraid to turn up the volume.