She will be mine. Oh yes, she will be mine.

I now have a new life's mission. Purchase that ship (a mere 5,885 dollars (plus shipping, ha ha.)), and then build a moat around it to simulate the ocean in all her majesty.

I'll have to christen it as well.

Once all that is done, I'll be able to lounge about on the deck and brandish a sword while cursing loudly at passersby.

All without pants, of course. It is Friday.

Oh, and let's not forget the rum.

But what name is worthy of a fine vessel such as this?

So I've come across this job description:

-Applying abstract theories to practical problems
-Intellectual creativity
-Planning and conducting research
-Writing books, articles, and reports
-A real flair for language
-Educational requirements vary.

-There is no set career path.

Also, I think it's the only field I have been told outright that I am incapable of being successful in (by a certain male Harbster). For someone as passive-aggressive as myself, spite can be an incredible motivational tool. I think I'm going to have to explore the intriguing field of:

Linguistics. Specializing in discourse analysis.

Groovy.

Dialogue Without A Home

"So can I come and visit you while I'm in town?"

"No."

"Great, I'll be there tomorrow night."

"Did you hear what I said?"

"Yeah, I just thought maybe if I acted like you said 'yes' you would think you had said 'yes'."

* * * * *

"I don't date co-workers."

"But I'm quitting!"

"I don't date quitters, either."

* * * * *

"I would make you a river. You would be everywhere at once, but not really anywhere. You'd have fish, bright, shimmery fish that would people could catch, but only for a few seconds because they'd always manage to escape back to you. Even the one that was already breaded and about to go into the frying pan, he got away and came back to you. He was very happy to see you."

* * * * *

"Aha, but that's the best part of lonely."

* * * * *

"You don't seem like the type of person that would do drugs."

"What are you talking about? I love doing things!"

* * * * *

"Right after this place was built, an opera singer was horribly burned when a pyrotechnic effect went wrong. He disappeared shortly after."

"Wow, do you think he might be haunting the theater?"

"Ha. Not if he has any originality."

* * * *

"What's this? It appears that a cupcake has wandered away from the herd."

* * * *

"The sky is beautiful. Soft white streaks, like veins of minerals in an infinite expanse of cerulean marble."

"Are you talking to me?"

"No, but I don't mind you listening."

-Living For Two (the working title, or maybe the final title if I don't think of anything better.)

Now I Know What I'm Worth

My paycheck is for exactly 666 dollars...and no cents.

Sounds pretty accurate. Especially the no cents.

Things I've learned today:

-Drinking water is more effective at relieving cough than over-the-counter children's cough medicines. The benefits of those cough syrups are almost entirely psychological. Now I'm skeptical about all the other cough syrups. Then again, many do contain alcohol. That isn't psychological, is it?

-It's okay to sexually harrass your employees as long as you harrass both males and females. In Brandon v. Nestle USA, Inc., a supervisor was found to be an equal-opportunity harraser. The harrasment was sexual in nature, but because it was not based on gender it did not violate Title VII.

Now that I've armed you with this knowledge, go all ye, and harrass without fear.

-Homework is not that bad. At least, writing homework isn't.

-English professors are a little nuts. Is there some correllation here? Does holding a pen for extended periods of time cause unusual brain activity?

I went running last night.

It was earlier than I normally run. The park is much livelier at 8 pm than at 2 am.

There were people fishing, couples strolling around the lake, children playing, and quite a few solitary hill-sitter-on-ers.

I hadn't brought my headphones with me in the hopes that I could ponder without distraction. Of course, it didn't work. I just did what I always do whenever I try to remove distractions. I found new distractions.

As I ran by, I would catch snippets of conversation. One of my favorite exchanges was between a couple in their early twenties.

"My butt isn't big," the woman said, "It's a medium butt."

"Yeah," the man agreed. "It's a booty."

"It's gonna be an ass real soon, though," she said, laughing.

Gludeal taxonomy? I love it! I ran on.

I passed another couple.

"I swallowed a goldfish last night," said the female in an off-hand manner.

"What?!" the male exclaimed.

I laughed again. I had my suspicions about that one, though. Given the non-sequitur nature of the remark, I think she may have said that just because I happened to be passing within earshot.

This theory fits perfectly with my egocentric view of the universe.

After 45 minutes of running, the people began to thin out. I was left alone with my thoughts. Well, not completely alone.

Ducks don't like being chased. Either that, or running at them makes them remember that they have something very important to do somewhere else.

Geese don't like being chased either. They don't like it so much that they usually stand their ground and puff up threateningly.

But don't take my word for it.

* * * * *

I still feel a little cluttered. I've gotten rid of just about everything that doesn't have a distinct function. It's nice. I have even started taping all those random notes into a single notebook.

Not quite there, but I'm getting closer.

* * * * *

I bought a ticket to San Francisco. I'll be able to catch my friend Josh Hagler's art show and visit with my old partner-in-crime, Phill. I'm excited.

* * * *

After I get off work at 4:30, I'm going to hurtle towards a community college near my house and sign up for a summer class that starts today at 5:30. There's no minute like the last minute.

* * * * *

I had to speak to the director of Macbeth again. For some reason, he wasn't too keen on the idea of me dropping out. Working for an insurance company has taught me well, as I asked him to "please consider this my final decision."

* * * *

Does anyone have any advice on how to establish credit? (Keep in mind I did have an apartment when I was 18.)

Ah, an entire day off!

It's been great. I woke up, realized I didn't have to be anywhere, then went back to sleep.

I took a long shower. I had a big breakfast.

Now, Luis and I are playing video games and rocking out to Guster. What a life.

I try not to remind myself that for some of my friends, this is a fairly typical day.

Bastards.

But the day yawns before me, and I am determined to capture it. Whoa, it's my turn to play Tony Hawk, I'd better go.

That was hard.

I have just dropped out of Macbeth. Scotland is in trouble, for there will be no grief-stricken Macduff to vanquish the power-crazed Macbeth. At least, not until they cast someone else.

I was really looking forward to acting again. Ah, well. Another of my creative outlets falls victim to my job. I must admit though, not in the way I might have expected.

A few days ago I attended an all-day employee orientation. It was partly boring and partly fun, but by the best part by far was having the chance to prove to everyone at work that I wasn't entirely a buffoon. I had not seen most of these people since my infamous "What are we doing here?" question.

So it felt pretty good when I beat all of them at "Insurance Jeopardy".

It really is the little things.

Towards the end of the day, we were given a short break during which I led the group in a rousing game of Hangman. (The categories were "Animals (Desert)" and "Worst Movie Titles Ever". The answers were "chinchilla" and "All The Pretty Horses", respectively. The next round was going to be "Animals (Dessert)" to which the answer would have been "Mousse", but we didn't have the time.)

After the break, a very nice lady came in and explained to us that any of us hired before June 1st are eligible for 100% tuition reimbursement for any college-accredited class. Those hired on or after June 1st would have to wait a year before they received tuition reimbursement. I did some quick counting on my fingers.

Let's see, I was hired on May 26th, so that would be...carry the two, subtract the y, divide by pi...before June 1st!

As long as I am a part of the company, I will have my education completely paid for. An education I desperately, desperately need.

My boss saw me looking at Scottsdale Community College's course schedule. "Thinking about taking classes?" he asked.

"Well, yeah, sort of. I've always been saying, 'Ain't I already smart enough?' but all my friends seem to strongly disagree."

He laughed.

Now all of my classes are free...provided I actually pass them. I already have a schedule picked out for next semester. It doesn't look too bad; there are only a couple of days that I'll be there past 9 pm. Hooray for night classes. I haven't had a thirteen-hour day in a long time. I hope I remember how to stay awake.

Therein lies the problem of the play. My time has become a bit more constrained.

Even if there were some way to act, go to school, and work full time, there is no doubt in my mind that, ultimately, all three would suffer.

Now it's time to take a lesson from Spiderman 2 (which I saw again tonight and enjoyed even more): Intelligence is useless without hard work.

Also, I learned that I shouldn't have smashed my inhibitor chip when Donovan dared me to.

Live to learn, I always say.

I'm looking at summer school classes right now. One starts this coming week. I'm looking forward to it. Really, I'm considering it more of a personal assessment. After all, if I can work full time and pass one class, why shouldn't I be able to work full time and pass five classes?

I know that if I'm to be successful, I'm just going to have to work smarter, not harder. Change my sleeping habits. Stop going out on weeknights. I need to learn two of the most useful traits a person can have: To work hard. And to be alone.

Because there will always be work to do. You may not be all the way there yet, but every day you work at it you'll certainly be closer than you were yesterday.

And you need to learn how to be alone. Without exception, you're going to be the person you spend the most time with in your entire life.

I think I'm ready to be lonely.

"You don't stop loving them, no. You forget. You let your heart grow over them. Your body just trying to heal itself." -pocket journal, 5-20-04