Where the heck have I been? Actually busy. Yesterday was blustery as a mofo and my shade sails came down. It appears I'll have to bury the bases after all. Or make hella wider ones, which may defeat the purpose of minimizing the footprint. Still, I enjoy digging. I think I'll buy a new shovel today. One for digging deep.

I'm not sure why I'm so obsessed with shade right now. If I dare to look inward in my heart of hearts, I expect I'll find that after having dubbed my house "The Houndstooth" such as an old-tymey pub, the desire to earn the name has grown. White, triangular shade sails could appear to be teeth, you see. And massive statues of hounds in various states of repose can dot the front and backyard. Shit, I should construct hound heads, canine moai, and in their teeth will be rings to attach the sails to.

That would be neat. And yet, I am concerned about my obsession. Neglect the inside of the house while I focus on the outside. Really not sure what the heck I'm attempting to accomplish. The urge to change is strong when I'm away, then fades as I settle in. Am I being complacent, or are things actually pretty good already and I don't need to mess with anything.

My friend told me once that I was afraid of being happy. Even if she turns out to be right, I don't see how I could admit that.

So until I find resolution, I will dig. Dig deep, layer after layer, until I hit bedrock or my body fails me.

To the shovel emporium!

Ender, Remy, and I went to see Isle of Dogs this Friday. We loved it. We saw it again on Sunday. Today I am feeling productive. I suspect it's related. Also played Mansions of Madness on Saturday with Emma, Chris and Mishea, and Jake and Mackenzie. I'd only known Jake from playing PS4 online. Now I can put a face to the voice.

Also on Sunday, my mother made lunch for a visiting babysitter, Maria. She cared for us when I was probably 6 years old. My mom had needed help when Luis was born. I don't remember her really. She said I had a temper. I believe it.

Doing so much was a good thing. I was more energized overall. Even went to Home Depot and got a bunch more cement and poles. There will be much shade sail installing today. Maybe even some grass trimming. Cause we crazy.

I'll need a ladder too. Hopefully I don't fall off the ladder and hurt myself. We'll see.


Get out of the house and play games, that's what I need to do more. Take the dogs out to play games. Games and games. Good for the heart.

Misery will cost me all that I wanted. Or most of it. Sometimes I'm happy despite myself.

Maybe I should go half-mad again. No, just a quarter-mad. Okay, 33 percent mad and that's my final offer.

Deal.