Friday, May 04, 2007

XKCD continues to guide the informal policies of this here ye old tymey blog.

So a note to any future employers: I have eaten out of trashcan. (Which causes most people to recoil at first but it turns to pity when I explain that I was working for the US government at the time.)

I'm not terribly good at most tasks and am best used as for infiltrating the competition and bringing their employee productivity to a screeching halt. Office pranks will also increase 700%.

And lastly, on Fridays I do not wear pants. Not for you, not for anyone.

And last-lastly, I will skip work everytime a Spiderman movie comes out.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

It's happened again. My dog, The Noobers, is infested with babies. I'll have to pick up one of those collars for him.

Ender's Druish training is coming along swimmingly. He has learned to say the name of the Druish All-Parent, "Hesheh" [hee-shay] and his next lesson was to never say the name of the All-Parent. Not allowed.

His second lesson is still a bit of a struggle. I'm trying to explain that everything in existence is Hesheh, and everything that is Hesheh is in existence. If it's something besides those two it isn't Hesheh or in existence. It's known as the mystery of the Holy Finity. I guess it's like being a cell in the body. Hesheh may not know the thoughts of each individual cell, but if Hesheh places its mighty hand upon a hot plate, Hesheh will be aware of the suffering of a large amount of cells because those cells are Hesheh. Hesheh just gets a little distracted sometimes.

The third lesson is the Midsummer Night's Whooping. Every year, Hesheh sends down a false prophet to speak against the Druish people. The Druish people ignore his prosthelytizing for 7 days and 7 nights and then on Midsummer's Eve they all band together and whoop the crap out of the false prophet.

The most important part of this lesson is that when referring to the person who was beaten, Druish people must say "they" beat him as if it happened a long time ago and we had nothing to do with it. Like when talking to the police. Especially when talking to the police.

Druish diet restrictions are easy to figure out. Aside from avoiding the unclean spig, they also can't eat any food that is on fire.

The Druish religion is renowned for being practical and useful.

Sunday, April 29, 2007

As I age swiftly towards my 25th birthday, it behooves me to create a gift registry as my brain doesn't remember as well it used to. Eh, that is, I think it doesn't.

The registry can be found here at REI's website. I also think you can go into the store and just put "Guillermo Lopez" and "May 12, 2007" into their magical computer thingy.

Questions may arise about my choices despite their clear practicality. How can I possibly justify asking for four touring kayaks, you say? An excellent observation; allow me to explain. I wouldn't expect to get a kayak and give nothing in return. Thus, anyone who gifts me one of the four required kayaks can join my kayak gang, the "Sea Ninjas." We will paddle across the high seas helping wayward sailors, freeing foreign peoples from oppression, and battling pirates and some of the more boorish sea creatures.

I've also been searching for a registry that has a giant, robotic sea turtle that will serve as a mobile underwater base. It'll be great; we can paddle in through its open mouth and best of all, for rapid underwater deployment we'll jump into egg-shaped torpedoes and then fire ourselves out of the turtle's butt. When we reach our destination, we'll pop out on the surface, crack out of the eggs, and wail on the giant kraken or what-have-you.

But so far no luck finding anything like that at Bed, Bath, and Beyond, but I remain optimistic. I seriously doubt I'm the first person to recognize the need for a sea turtle base.

I will name it "Raphael."

And now for a picture of Joshua Remy Teco stuck under a chair:

Ha ha, babies. What do they know; nothin about nothin.

Drunken blog go!

I must gibe proper respect to my wireless keyboard that now allows me to type without looking at the screeen, much like my earliest efforts at manipulating this blasted device. Im not bitter at the technology I just don't think I'll make fewer mistakes using this tool as opposed to my number two pencil. I'll still misspell, skip words, and run on sentences.

It does beat etching out on wet/drying clay and I never was a fan of strips of papyrus.

Not to sound like a Johnny-Come-Nakedly, but I really don't plan on putting on clothing before I collapse into my bed. At least I'm clean.