Crater

Meteor strikes leave lakes

After their impacts cool and enough rain falls 

Life returns

most scary

The most scary thing to me is snow. It falls silently from the sky, saps the heat of your body, and can bury you completely. 

Second most scary thing is moose. They can often be found hiding in the snow, waiting to pounce. 

The third most scary thing would be moose falling like snow, silent and cold, upon the unsuspecting landscape. 

We'd never see it coming. Well, I might because I think about stuff like this. But ultimately it wouldn't matter; I too would be buried under hooves, antlers, and their ridiculous tiny tails. 

Forewarned is not forearmed; I will meet my moosey fate. 

Never too late

I'm up too late. Today I was stressed. Work was very busy and I may have not had all my wits about me. When it's dark and everything is quiet and the AC kicks on to 76 degrees Fahrenheit (my preferred sleeping temperature) I like to putter around this admittedly not-very-large house and tinker. 

Or just think about tinkering. Looking at my bookshelves and mentally culling them because it's easier than boxing them up and donating them. 

Oh I'm taking Ender to work tomorrow morning and they have one of those free library things. I could drop some books in there. A little Batman, a little Catch-22, maybe some Dante. 

Because I have multiple copies of those. I don't know why. 

So I'll rest now, finally. 

Talk to you tomorrow. 

fascinating

It's like I'm outside my body watching me fall apart.

The edges of my vision get hazy and darken with every beat of my heart.

I've heard of panic attacks; maybe this is one.

Are they normally this...long?

It's different than it was last time. Different than before. That one was my fault. 

It hurts more when I feel like I was trying to do everything right this time. I'm better, damn it. I worked so hard to be better. 

Yes, the odds of success were nearly zero but I wasn't doing it because I thought I would get some reward; I'm doing this because it's what I chose to do. And still choose. 

I'm not good enough. Okay. That's probably always been true; so I'm familiar with this. 

I'll be better. I'll be patient. I'll be stubborn. I'll be accepting of where I am. I'll be smart. 

That last one is where I struggle. 

But it's different now. Because it's probably not smart to keep trying when the situation is hopeless. 

Okay, well, good thing I have all this charm.

Drowsing Rod

Sleep came in fits and starts. Terror and calm, twin rivers winding through every realm of consciousness. Mixing in places, brackish, salt and freshwater, you're my estuary 

Alert, alert, decoding the susurrus wind and lapping waters

Uncertainty plods closer, hidden in riparian shadow. I can't set it, only the rustling as its bulk pushes through the vegetation. 

It was always here, just sleeping 

I cannot outrun it. So I wait. 

Return

To trying to be more open, more thoughtful, and maybe more introspective while avoiding the pitfall of self-aggrandizement. That small step and one giant leap from "I should be better" to just...trying to be better. 

"He prayeth best, who loveth best, all things both great and small" -Coleridge, Sammy T.

I'll tell you what I do love: the bidet I just installed. No more jumping into the shower immediately after every poop. 

I'm just kidding; I don't do that. 

I bet I could install one at work. A bidet, not a shower. Although a shower would be nice. 

Wait wait wait... self-improvement, not home improvement. Except where there's overlap. From what I understand, the self and the home are never really done. 

I should sleep. 

Goodnight!