In one hour, I will report to my new job. I quit my job as a pizza delivery boy. I decided it was far beneath a person with my skill set and social stature.

I am now a pet shop boy.

It was sort of an accident. I wandered in to a pet shop near my house to buy a bag of ferret food. My ferret was pretty hungry. I knew this because he was talking again. He doesn't talk very often and really all he says is "Hey!" but it's still pretty weird.

So in tradition with my past two, perhaps three jobs, I have stayed up all night and am prepared to go in and work. I don't know what I'm doing and I'm not really sure what I'll get out of it, but I am sure I'll find out.

I only made one New Year's Resolution: To stop dreaming about having magical adventures with a stuffed purple hippo.

I didn't even make it 12 hours.

I'm not sorry.