The Ferret Who Sold The World

One day Ferret B612 was bounding along when he met a man with no hat. The man said "Hello, friend ferret. I would like to buy the world from you."

Ferret B612 never gave up his treasures willingly, especially not to a man with no hat, but being a ferret, he was ever curious. "What could you possibly give me that is worth more than the world?"

The man with no hat did not blink. "I will give you this magical sofa couch. It is magical and no matter how big or how unlikely an object is, you will be able to hide it underneath this sofa couch."

Ferret B612's whiskers trembled and his black eyes opened wide, wide enough to show a tiny bit of white at the very edges. "It shall be done."

So the man gave the happy ferret the magical sofa couch and Ferret B612 gave the man the world. The man set the world on his head and began to walk away.

"Wait," Ferret B612 chittered. "I've forgotten to give you your change." With that, he grabbed the man with the world on his head by the ankle and stuffed him underneath the sofa couch.

Ferret B612 traveled around all of existence searching for things to stuff under his sofa couch. There were many, many things. Finally, the day came when there was nothing left to stuff under the sofa couch. "Well," Ferret B612 said to nothing and no one, "there's something I've been curious about since I acquired this sofa couch." With that, he grabbed the sofa couch and began to tug. He tugged and tugged until he pulled the sofa couch underneath itself and of course, him with it. It really was quite a remarkable magical sofa couch.

Since then, everything has been pretty quiet.

Ben O. and I have been running quite a bit in the past month. However, I've been severely slacking and I decided to hunt around for something that will up the stakes a bit. I think I found it.

It is the Whiskey Row Marathon in Prescott, Arizona. The race will be on May 6th (less than a week before my 24th birthday.)

It is supposed to be one of the more grueling marathons. Well, the description given is "This out and back course is considered one of the most challenging in the United States. Starting at 5,280 feet, the elevation increases to 7,000 feet over the first 7 miles, then down to 5,600 feet at the 13 mile turn around. The course is paved road for the first and last 5 miles, while the rest is on Forest Service dirt road in the cool pines. The course offers panoramic views of Northern Arizona peaks."

And in a completely unnecessary play on words, instead of water and sports-drink hydration points there will be mini-bars with various whiskey drinks. I doubt they'll have what I want. I take my whiskey neat, with a side of ice cream, thank you very much.

At this juncture, I'm not optimistic about completing the course but I'm pretty sure I won't have much of a choice. My options are to either finish the race or to stand in the forest shouting "I'm done!" until a magical badger gives me a lift in his magical badger wagon that runs on pinecones.

No, that would be unrealistic. Magical badgers are just as likely to maul the shit out of you as the non-magical ones.