As I am a man of Married Years, this Fat Tuesday I settled into my reclino-chair device to watch The Simpsons Season 4 on my teletronic-viewing device.

But Wo, even in this day of Civilized Peoples I decided to have a beer, a Keystone Light that some poor chap had brought to one of my sister's gathering. The traditional way of enjoying that particular brewer's waste is to drink enough to impair the taste-buds.

Thus my attempt to enjoy a quiet evening resulted in failure.

I woke the next morning with a splitting headache, a series of bruises on my arms, several strands of beads and blinking lights, and the word "UNST" shaved into the back of my head. It was later explained to me that "UNST" represents the bass beat peculiar to those technotronic ballads that are played in the clubs of yore.

So Lo! and be wary! friends, that the heathen masses and their unwashed liquors do not lure you to the very same demise I have met at their cunning hands! I can only hope.