Monday, October 15, 2018

Stayed up a little late last night watching "Hold The Dark". Had the front door open. It was cool enough to wear my pea coat, as long as I was only in my underwear. Which I was.

Drank chamomile tea with copious amounts of honey.

Friday, October 05, 2018

Stumbled across a band called "Rainbow Kitten Surprise". Digging it.

Digging other things. Ditches and holes. Or I would be if I weren't trying to avoid injuring my feet. Walking every day gives me very little in the way of recovery time.

Might be time for new shoes.

Monday, October 01, 2018

We can speak of neglect. A lack of proper attentiveness. Stagnation. Everything is connected.

This weekend I went over to Emma's to hang out for a bit. There was also a gathering at Jen and Alan's but I didn't go. Stagnation creeping int other things. Felt bad.

Stayed up too late last night. Read a bit. Tried to stay off the cell phone. I need the quiet.

There is a hurricane, Hurricane Rosa, whose remnants brought rain last night. I opened the front door and the dogs sat and looked out. Watch dogs, watching and watching. Need to build a little porch for them to sit out when the weather's cool. Maybe I'll sit on the porch as well and cast a baleful eye at all who pass.

Friday, September 21, 2018

I'm back, baby.

Kelly and I went to San Diego for a few days. We took the hounds along. Watson finally got to see the beach. He loved it, although the first day he drank a bunch of salt water and was a bit sick. I think he learned the second day and didn't try to drink the ocean completely dry.

Walking back from the beach, I admired the seaside homes with their nautical theming and large windows. What a lovely home to be lonely in, I thought.

We came home, and I had a couple more days off. I took the boys to the bus stop in the morning, just like I used to. It got me out of bed at a reasonable hour, which was also a plus. I read a book, walked and gamed, did some laundry. Even threw away a bit of stuff.

I felt lost in time. I'm trying to view my home as the space that nurtures behaviors. How to make it nurture the behaviors I want is the hard part.

I need a bed that folds up into the wall, and then gets locked in by a timer. So I can resist its pillowy siren call.

Thursday, September 13, 2018


Took my mom to Cornish Pasty for her birthday on 9/11. She had her first ever Irish Car Bomb. She teased me and said "Are you worried I'm going to get drunk and embarrass you?"
I said "No Mom, I get annoyed by you, but I don't get embarrassed of you."
She smiled and said "I like that!"

Of course, I certainly remember being embarrassed of my parents when I was younger. I suppose that started changing once I began seeing my parents as their own people and not just as my parents. There's this period early in your life where parents are like an extension of your own personality, like all those other feelings that can't be controlled. We feel like parents to our parents, in a way. Maybe it's practice for the future.

Monday, September 10, 2018

In the middle of my life's journey, I found myself in need of a scheme. Something to keep me out of trouble. I could walk more, I suppose. I can probably tolerate it. Find something around the house to tinker with. That's a thing people do; alter their homes. Oh, that's right, I was going to pare down the amount of needless crap. Or do something to my closet. I forget.

I'm sure it will come to me.

Thursday, September 06, 2018

How has my brain changed, I wonder? From not having a computer in my pocket, to now? Sometimes here at work I become annoyed by the chatter of my co-workers. As if it would be a good thing if I could control everything in my environment. My mind has become accustomed to packets of digestible information that I can assess at a glance and decide to ignore or immerse myself further. 

I need to work on my collage here. I stare mostly at my Moby Dick quotes. Because truly to enjoy bodily warmth, some small part of you must be cold. 

I think I have that cold part down. The part of my soul that's always cold, so that all else is welcome warmth.