What's A Gurg?

Friday, May 16, 2008

It's Friday.

Drop dem pants.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

I celebrated the end of my birthday evening by crashing my motorcycle. No, crashing is too dignified a word for what I did. I should say that in an attempt to travel a distance on top of my motorcycle, my plan went horribly awry and instead I traveled a short distance underneath it.

I remember the beginning and the end, not so much the middle. I was taking a small sharp turn far to quickly, locked up the rear brake, some things happened, and then my motorcycle was on its right side with my left leg underneath it. At some point some thing, perhaps the ground, slammed my right side like three baseball bats duct-taped together. My helmet did its job.

Stunned, I tugged pathetically at my trapped leg. I heard a voice in my head, not my usual inner monologue. "GET UP." I gave a mighty tug and my leg was free. Hurting, but free. I stood up then doubled over for a second as my ribs protested. Cars were lining up behind me in the single lane, idling helpfully. I tried to lift the bike, but couldn't. I tried to pull it out of the way with an equal lack of success.

"PICK IT UP."

I squatted down, grabbed the handlebar and part of the central frame, and set the motorcycle upright. I wheeled it to the side of the road. The other cars zipped by. A cursory inspection revealed a few scrapes but I couldn't find any major damage, not that I'm really qualified to do so. A quick inspection of myself was the same. Scraped up, lost some fluids, some cosmetic damage, but nothing to stop me from functioning. I started the bike and listened. Sounds normal. Louder, since the muffler had become disconnected. I popped it back on and rode off. My right turn signal, the one I had whacked into service but had since failed again, was now functioning perfectly. Sweet.

I should probably mention that I had just watched a film involving a certain Speed Racer but I'm certain that in no way influenced my racing around and subsequent "crash".

Monday, May 12, 2008

According to the makeshift Stonehenge in my backyard that I built out of bicycle frames and old bird baths, today is my 26th birthday. Thus begins the spring of my second youth. Rather than age in the traditional fashion, I have decided to water down the whiskey of experience with the sweet soda water of child logic. I will try to listen more than I speak, ask "Why?" a great deal more, and assume everyone is my friend.

There is a nexus that links budding life and fading glory: every question is obligated to be a philosophical one. Truth must be layered like a sandwich in a Dagwood comic; unencumbered by gravity or common sense and always attempted with a foolhardy optimism.

I'm also going to act a lot more grizzled at times since it goes with my facial hair.

I can't wait.

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Sarah McLachlan has spoken to me through the television screen like a sultry Big Brother. She has demanded that I adopt an animal. I have no choice, nor do I want any other choice, than to obey.

I'm keeping my eyes open.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

My sister and I took the twins to Colorado to visit friends and family. The boys did very well. I give them an A- for behavior and bonus points for rocking out to techno music. Add that to the 8 buckyballs they earned for marathon park outings and their overall rating is...a blue isosceles triangle shooting lasers at a flying hippo refusing to claim tax exemptions.

It got kind of close, though. For a while they were bordering on earning a homophobic earthworm in zero gravity.

If it isn't apparent, I am exhausted. I look forward to reading my web comics and listening to NPR tomorrow, just relaxing. Until I rush over to my other house to clean madly and try to fix the hole some drunk head-butted in the bathroom wall.

Perhaps it is a sad thing that in my life I have woken up after a party, come out into the living room to ask everyone "What dumbass did that to the bathroom?!" only to get the slow, sitcom-ey look that means, yes, indeed, I am the ass in question.

I must print up a bumper sticker with that on it; "Yes, I am the ass in question."

Right up there with my "Quantum Physicists Don't Really Know How They Do It" and "This Changes Nothing".

Thursday, April 17, 2008

I've been listening to NPR about the wheat shortage in Egypt. When discussing the reasons for high import prices, the reporter pointed out the US pays farmers to not grow wheat.

I'm pissed.

I've been not growing wheat my whole life and I've never seen a cent.

Vengeance shall be mine. If I don't get my comeuppance, I'm gonna plant me the hell out of some wheat.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

The rest of the story is coming. It's just becoming a little bigger than I expected. But everything is falling into place. It's funny, I got halfway through it when I realized I was writing a parody of the Twilight series while telling my own story. I'm mockingly mimicking the style, I think, but the story is going to highlight the absurdities of that series, if that's even possible.

I read the first book. It wasn't terrible. I thought exactly like this when I was a lad in high school. Holy shit we have the same CDs in our car! You display more than two visible emotional states! You have awkward family moments and qualms about existence! ME TOO! Bam, love.

And of course, vampires that glitter. Yes sir, these mighty children of the night light up such as a disco ball when they enter sunlight.

Weak.

Even those pansy Anne Rice vampires could whoop up these guys and not even muss up their ruffles.

Yes, the first story I've written in a long time is motivated entirely by spite. That's why I have to finish it.

I have only my laptop at my parent's house on which to work. This is a benefit because any social networking site I might be tempted to visit takes forever to load up. This laptop is old, but it dogs on. I respect that. I prefer it anyway. Nostalgia. The first blog I ever posted was on that laptop. That was, what, five years ago? Yeah, the blog's fifth birthday just passed. I think.

I didn't get it anything. It's been a while since we actually spoke. I guess it's not cool for blogs to talk to their authors once they reach a certain age.

But I must rest. Tomorrow is going to be a beautiful day.

What's A Gurg?

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