Friday, October 20, 2017

Went to pick up my nephews for school this morning and on the dining room table was a plate covered in foil. I pulled it back its shiny shield and revealed waffles, eggs, and sausage. My mom is substituting today and she had made me breakfast before she left for work.

Her mom-sense must have known I hadn't slept well last night. Or rather, I slept well, but probably not enough. I found a YouTube channel called Crypt TV that makes short horror films. It's fun.

No scary dreams after watching. Not like those got-dam Oompa-Loompa's from the original Charlie And The Chocolate Factory film.

Horror is tricky because how fear can shatter a person's reasoning. Speaking of YouTube videos, you can watch thousands of people getting scary-pranked and see how impractical (in a tactical sense) their reactions are. Some people punch, some will run, but so many just fall apart.

If I were in a horror movie, I'm sure I'd make a bunch of rookie mistakes, so I'll avoid stumbling into any for now.

Thursday, October 19, 2017

Wading in the shallows, toes sinking in the mud.

Unpredictable tides mean we can't go too far from the shore. The challenges of a planet with no moon.

I remember imagining shapes in the shadows.

Now I know there's nothing exciting in there. Unique and dull, like the back of my hand.

I told Ender and Remy I was thinking about getting a new car. They cried out in mock horror, saying this car has two many memories. I reminded them that memories live in our mind, but I didn't disagree. They are also getting bigger and I want them to have more space. I told them we didn't have to get rid of this car entirely; I could teach them to drive a stick shift, as long as they promised not to drive without a license. Not like I did. They asked if I was afraid of getting arrested. I told them yes, but mostly I was afraid of hurting someone and not being able to help them. Any driver can make a mistake and that's why we have to have insurance. If I got in an accident and hurt someone, I'd need my insurance to cover their medical bills.

If you hurt someone, and you're sorry, you should show it by helping them feel better.

Somehow.

* * * * *

I made the mistake of checking woot.com. They had some sweet headphones on sale, and a 4k TV, and a myriad of other electronic marvels. I want it. I almost bought the headphones; I was well into researching them when I managed to shake off the impulse. I asked myself how long I want to work here for this stuff. I didn't need to know the answer; the idea of purchasing more cool toys dims. It's like forging another link to this desk. Not the writing desk, the other desk. I kinda like the writing desk, and if I was chained to it I might actually accomplish something.

Wednesday, October 18, 2017

I was excited to hit the blog today. Just a feeling that I might have something to write about.

Nothing specific. I had a dream about a man with a ray gun that could remove a part of your body, any part, safely and painlessly. The ray gun could later replace that body part just as it was before. He would go around stealing people's arms usually, sometimes legs, as a form of blackmail. Everyone would just do what he said, because he was the only one that could work the machine. They could go to the police, or kill him, but then they would be forever without their limb.

Work is having an End-Of-Year dinner. Perhaps I'll go. I don't see most of them now, and I haven't gone to work events before. I'd kind of avoided mixing my work life with my personal life. We'll see.

Lying on my back and staring at the stars through tinted windows.

"Don't you think you'll be better off without me tied around your neck"
-To Belong by Daughter

We all think a lot of things. Our personality is in the patterns, our self in the vortices between.

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

"Baroque, right? Repetition with variation that grows until it changes everything."
-From a conversation with a fellow writer

I took yesterday off to go the doctor. Also because I wanted to. The doctor took a bunch of my blood. I wonder what they'll learn from it.

Over the weekend, Joese, Brian Y, and I went went in search of delicious tacos. We traveled far, ultimately ending up in what Brian referred to as "Downtown Chandler". Previously, I was not aware that the city of Chandler had any such divisions. The tacos were good, and as a bonus on my way out there was a little Chihuahua/Dachshund aka chiweenie tied to a post outside. She stood on her hind legs in greeting. She was black and glossy and had beautiful blue eyes. I cuddled her for a bit. She was so cute I was tempted to steal her away. She obviously liked me, although there may have been stray taco meat on my face.

I didn't pup-nap her. I can't have every beautiful thing I fall in love with.

We trekked home, full of tacos and yearning, and played the SNES mini. Kirby's Dream Course is one of my favorite two-player games of all time.

The controller cords were really short, though.

Friday, October 13, 2017

This building is a scent-free environment. In a small act of rebellion, I put on a single spray of Dolce & Gabanna "The One" and then another spray of "Intenso". Subtle scent is what I'm going for. Someone would have to be very close to smell me. Despite my insensitive nose, I can appreciate how those who have working honkers might dislike walking into a cloud of Italian extracts.

I'm going to the doctor on Monday. My experience in medical billing has taught me much. I have printed out copies of my insurance card and typed out my current medications, symptoms, concerns, and steps I want to take to address them. My knee, for instance, will probably need a referral to a specialist. A leftkneeologist.

Have to make things a simple as possible for the physicians. Elevator pitches for all ailments must be prepared. And try to be as male as possible. Physicians don't listen to women very well.

I am weary. I don't feel bad, just weary. Not tired, just weary. Maybe I feel like a charmander when its tail-fire is low. I'll never know, but I can imagine.

My brother and sister (in-law) are coming into town today. I wonder what we'll do.

Thursday, October 12, 2017

Feel like I don't need all these scars anymore. Maybe I should get them removed. Just looked it up; it can be a bit expensive. Even more expensive than a customized PS4 controller. Well, I know which one I'm getting.

It's not a big deal; I've simply grown wary of symbolism. Imbuing meaning into my skin feels inadequate. I'm also over tattoos, although I will touch up my existing ones if needed.

I talked to my pharmacist last night. She's been having a hard time; she said she was carjacked at gunpoint. I expressed sympathy. She also got married at 18. I expressed sympathy about that too.

Pharmacists are interesting because they know all my ailments. Bank tellers see all our money problems. Writers see all the problems they can imagine.

Statistically, I should be average. My concerns should be the average concerns, my aspirations too. Statistically.

A living, breathing, regression to the mean.

Wednesday, October 11, 2017

Properly primed and ready to make a mess.

White cliffs and white walls. A yellow ball rolls down a wet asphalt street, bumps against the tire of a parked car. No one chases after it.

A blue door with no locks. An ash tray that only holds keys now, and spare change, when there is any.

The fireplace is orange-tinted plastic over a heater. It's not cold enough to use it for heat.

Trees with tear-shaped leaves shimmer in the morning breeze. Standing underneath we can pretend it's raining.