Donaldo had a bit of an emergency yesterday. Ended up in the hospital. Loss of balance, slurring of speech, tingling in the extremities and face. Sounded like a mini-stroke to me, but after a barrage of tests and scans, the physicians detected nothing. Donaldo recovered quickly and was well enough to be released that afternoon.

Quite strange.

My mother had called me, panicked. I felt concern, but nothing like I might have expected. I remember thinking that a stroke could very well kill him; I understood the gravity of the situation. Having lost one brother already, I didn't think I would be this calm.

I think it's because we're both soldiers. We have both signed up to risk our lives for whatever reason before. The decision has already been made. The military is not the rest of life, of course; the rest of life lacks formality. Life just assumes that every participant has signed on for all the risks and rewards; after all, they showed up for it.

The last text I had received from him was while the family group was discussing Christmas plans. "As long as we're all together," he wrote. I despaired for a moment when I read that. The possibility of losing another brother yawned like an abyss before me. I stepped back, though. There will be grief, and suffering, when it is time for it. But not yet.

"Girl you make me want to feel/
the things I've never felt before/"
-Just A Boy, Angus and Julia Stone

The song came on my Pandora station as I sat down to write. I thought I'd share. Radiohead is on now, telling me Don't get any big ideas.

Are these songs dealing with loss, or about the loss that you're going to feel?

Everything by its contrast, again. Not joy exactly, but hope that joy is coming. And how bad you'll feel when hope is lost. These are old men talking to young men. The old men are the fools, if they believe the young men will listen. I say men because the singers are male. Doubtless the impetus is universal.

I've been trying to make it a habit to see my mom every day again. I feel good knowing she's there, but I think we're happier if it's a daily thing.

Walked six miles on Saturday, but only 3 on Sunday. My feet hurt so I took a half-day.

Sibbitt and the family are in town tomorrow. Having a Christmas potluck. I'll likely make carne asada. I'm excited.

Is there anything else? I don't know. I do know that I am still in the habit of double-spacing after a period. Not a thing anymore, thanks to these "living fonts". How do they know?

Penelope, by Pinback. That bass line could groove me back from the dead. The song is about Penelope, and a sea of struggle or something. Water is definitely involved.