"Please, remember me

Seldomly

In the car behind the carnival"

-The Trapeze Swinger by Iron and Wine

This song is painfully beautiful. Also it mentions dogs that love the rain and that makes me happy.  Have I mentioned this before?

The speaker is remembering this young friendship and it's over now. He's talking to no one, I think. It's more like a prayer. He's never going to be anything more to this person, and he wishes that they can be together in memory. Their memories of each other are a heaven, with pearly gates, although he's locked out of it. He doesn't want his memories, he wants to be in hers. 

The speaker may believe that entering Heaven will take away his sorrow and loss, but I don't think he's ready to let go of it yet. He wants to draw on the walls, things that represent duality at first, boy and girl, sinner and angel. Then he ends on frightened trapeze swingers. People that come together, but if someone doesn't let go of their trapeze and reach out, they will swing away from each other. 

It's frightening, letting go. 

Spend so much time wondering what people are really like. Maybe I should stop assuming that everyone has a "true" self. My non-human friends, in this example my dogs, don't need a complex theory of mind to know me, or themselves, to have a good time. I'm not sure how a dog would go about deciding to change their own behavior, absent any external influence. Luckily, we all have plenty of external things to respond to.

Can't enter the heart of every sun if you want to see the entire galaxy, I suppose.

I'm listening to "I Feel It Coming" by The Weeknd and Daft Punk.

Can't listen to melancholy introspective music all the time.

My car has a new battery. Mine is on back-order. Not sure what to do until then. Get to a great height with the energy I have, spread my flying squirrel-like wings, and glide as far as I can. Take a nap wherever I land.

Or build something. At least measure things, imagine things, picture this and explain that. That's good exercise. Then I can continue to carve out space.

I dropped a crescent wrench while changing my car battery. There's a secret tool in the plastic frame of my car now. For emergencies.

Dead car battery this morning resulted in my being a few minutes late to work. At least I hope it's a dead car battery. Easy fix. I can even do it myself.

Halloween was quiet last night. Not very busy on our block. The hounds behaved themselves. Marceline was a pirate ship, and Watson was a devil. He looked very dapper.

I too am feeling worn-down. Time to replace my battery. 

Kelly and I watched "The Addams Family" and "Coraline" while we passed out candy. 

There are rumblings in the back of my mind. Kind of want to organize things, get rid of other things, streamline processes. I should make a list. Lists can be useful, if you make sure that the few things at the bottom are probably never going to get done.

Happy Halloween! I'm going as nothing. This year, anyway. An idea came to me yesterday to make a jellyfish costume out of those big clear umbrellas. I think I would be a moon jellyfish, or a purple-striped jellyfish. Blue glowsticks would work well, and I'm sure I could find big frilly clothing for the oral arms, and a gauzy material for the tentacles. Bonus, it shouldn't be too hot.

In my searches, I also came upon some umbrella hats. That would be extremely handy. For catching prey, and dancing.

Sea animals are always fun costumes. There's still time to go as a reverse mer-man, with the fish half on top and the legs on bottom.

I could do this.

Delightful times were had by all at Caitlyn and Ben's wedding this weekend. The wedding was quite nerdy, just how we like it. There were Dungeons & Dragons models everywhere. We were seated at the Diablo III table. The signature cocktails were "Health" and "Mana". I made sure to stock up on both.

After the reception, we went to a bar called "The Grid". Lots of video games and the staff was in costume. The food wasn't bad either. Might have to go there again when I have my wits about me. I played an Atari game that I'm pretty sure was unwinnable, but I'd like to be sure.

On Sunday, there was a brunch at Caitlyn's parent's house. Also delightful, although most of us were hungover. At least I got out of bed at 9. Gotta keep moving. I didn't walk yesterday, which was probably good. Rest days are good for muscle recovery or whatever.

And I feel good now, which is more than I expected. Pleasantly surprised pessimist.