I'm not sure if listening to all this wistful music is making me more sad or more happy. Not that they're mutually exclusive, I mean overall. I feel strangely balanced. I've been thinking about Luis, about his life and his death. The pain and the loss I still feel is the cost of loving him, and I pay it gladly. To not have known him, to have nothing in that space where he now resides, is anathema to me.

It's a weight to carry, and every step is a reminder. I'd rather remember.

When will I ever learn/ I lost you in the storm
Breaking up our tiny raft/ Scattering our florm*

*small hard chocolate candy with helpful tips on rafting printed inside the wrapper

This weekend Kelly and I went out with Amy's to celebrate her birthday. We had dinner at OBON Sushi Bar. The ramen was excellent. Afterwards, we went to Undertow afterward for tiki drinks. We had a great time.

I slept fitfully last night. Dreamed of the classics: being late to class, having car trouble. I awoke ready to face discomfort and despair. Linear time is a hassle, but it's the only way the jokes can make you laugh.