I'm not sure if listening to all this wistful music is making me more sad or more happy. Not that they're mutually exclusive, I mean overall. I feel strangely balanced. I've been thinking about Luis, about his life and his death. The pain and the loss I still feel is the cost of loving him, and I pay it gladly. To not have known him, to have nothing in that space where he now resides, is anathema to me.

It's a weight to carry, and every step is a reminder. I'd rather remember.