Tuesday, June 04, 2019

I wonder if depression ever really goes away. For me, my medication keeps it an arm's-length away, but some days it pushes in pretty close. I haven't been walking quite as much this week, mainly because I haven't found an interesting video game. At least I think it's general boredom of my current games. It's probably all related. Feel bad enough to disrupt the routine, feel worse because the routine is disrupted.

I welcome the occasional disruption because there's a better-than-average chance that I'm obsessing over something that maybe I don't need to be obsessing about. Like when you're in the ocean swimming fiercely against huge waves and then realize you forgot what you're swimming towards. Was I just swimming or trying to get somewhere?

There is still a powerful urge to discard half my possessions. I love my stuff, but I also love space and I love not thinking about getting stuff.

Kelly and I went to Phoenix Fan Fusion (nee' Comic-Con) and there were a great many toys and trinkets I wanted. I resisted purchasing anything, until the final day we went when I picked up some art. Having art feels more like having an experience.

Except now I have to go buy frames. The Crush always gets you.

Still, it'd be fun to be obsessed with something. Don't have to push away despair if you're always on the move. It's powerful, but oh so slow.