That was hard.

I have just dropped out of Macbeth. Scotland is in trouble, for there will be no grief-stricken Macduff to vanquish the power-crazed Macbeth. At least, not until they cast someone else.

I was really looking forward to acting again. Ah, well. Another of my creative outlets falls victim to my job. I must admit though, not in the way I might have expected.

A few days ago I attended an all-day employee orientation. It was partly boring and partly fun, but by the best part by far was having the chance to prove to everyone at work that I wasn't entirely a buffoon. I had not seen most of these people since my infamous "What are we doing here?" question.

So it felt pretty good when I beat all of them at "Insurance Jeopardy".

It really is the little things.

Towards the end of the day, we were given a short break during which I led the group in a rousing game of Hangman. (The categories were "Animals (Desert)" and "Worst Movie Titles Ever". The answers were "chinchilla" and "All The Pretty Horses", respectively. The next round was going to be "Animals (Dessert)" to which the answer would have been "Mousse", but we didn't have the time.)

After the break, a very nice lady came in and explained to us that any of us hired before June 1st are eligible for 100% tuition reimbursement for any college-accredited class. Those hired on or after June 1st would have to wait a year before they received tuition reimbursement. I did some quick counting on my fingers.

Let's see, I was hired on May 26th, so that would be...carry the two, subtract the y, divide by pi...before June 1st!

As long as I am a part of the company, I will have my education completely paid for. An education I desperately, desperately need.

My boss saw me looking at Scottsdale Community College's course schedule. "Thinking about taking classes?" he asked.

"Well, yeah, sort of. I've always been saying, 'Ain't I already smart enough?' but all my friends seem to strongly disagree."

He laughed.

Now all of my classes are free...provided I actually pass them. I already have a schedule picked out for next semester. It doesn't look too bad; there are only a couple of days that I'll be there past 9 pm. Hooray for night classes. I haven't had a thirteen-hour day in a long time. I hope I remember how to stay awake.

Therein lies the problem of the play. My time has become a bit more constrained.

Even if there were some way to act, go to school, and work full time, there is no doubt in my mind that, ultimately, all three would suffer.

Now it's time to take a lesson from Spiderman 2 (which I saw again tonight and enjoyed even more): Intelligence is useless without hard work.

Also, I learned that I shouldn't have smashed my inhibitor chip when Donovan dared me to.

Live to learn, I always say.

I'm looking at summer school classes right now. One starts this coming week. I'm looking forward to it. Really, I'm considering it more of a personal assessment. After all, if I can work full time and pass one class, why shouldn't I be able to work full time and pass five classes?

I know that if I'm to be successful, I'm just going to have to work smarter, not harder. Change my sleeping habits. Stop going out on weeknights. I need to learn two of the most useful traits a person can have: To work hard. And to be alone.

Because there will always be work to do. You may not be all the way there yet, but every day you work at it you'll certainly be closer than you were yesterday.

And you need to learn how to be alone. Without exception, you're going to be the person you spend the most time with in your entire life.

I think I'm ready to be lonely.

"You don't stop loving them, no. You forget. You let your heart grow over them. Your body just trying to heal itself." -pocket journal, 5-20-04