So I've come across this job description:

-Applying abstract theories to practical problems
-Intellectual creativity
-Planning and conducting research
-Writing books, articles, and reports
-A real flair for language
-Educational requirements vary.

-There is no set career path.

Also, I think it's the only field I have been told outright that I am incapable of being successful in (by a certain male Harbster). For someone as passive-aggressive as myself, spite can be an incredible motivational tool. I think I'm going to have to explore the intriguing field of:

Linguistics. Specializing in discourse analysis.

Groovy.