How has my brain changed, I wonder? From not having a computer in my pocket, to now? Sometimes here at work I become annoyed by the chatter of my co-workers. As if it would be a good thing if I could control everything in my environment. My mind has become accustomed to packets of digestible information that I can assess at a glance and decide to ignore or immerse myself further. 

I need to work on my collage here. I stare mostly at my Moby Dick quotes. Because truly to enjoy bodily warmth, some small part of you must be cold. 

I think I have that cold part down. The part of my soul that's always cold, so that all else is welcome warmth.

Labor Day weekend was a success. Managed very little actual labor. Had an all-day game session at Emma's house on Saturday, and I made everyone breakfast burritos. Monday, I went over to Jay and Caro's house for breakfast. The twins are staying over there for the week while Barbara is out of town. It was pleasant.

I walked a lot, played Battlefield 1 with Chris and Mishea and Jake. It may be time for new walking shoes.

Not sure how I'm feeling. Antsy, sort of. It's time to get rid of things. Trim away the excess. Repair my cracked windshield. Last time I repaired it, it cracked again less than two weeks later. Hazards of traveling on the I-17 trucking route. Left me very unmotivated to repair it again. But I think it's time.

Humming happily, but it doesn't transcribe very well.

Whoa now it's kind of an intense humming. Probably because of the driving drumbeat of this song, "Hide" by Little May.

Pain in my left knee returning. Ben O. gave some resistance bands that I should be using to stretch my knee but I keep forgetting. Need to set up some kind of environmental reminder. Pain is not enough of a reminder, apparently.

Munching on a gingerbread pig. My mom is a big fan of them and I snagged one from her pantry last night. I think they're okay. It's not my preferred pastry, but it's portable and I'm hungry so it has that going for it.

I had a dream that I went to a magical breakfast restaurant that had every breakfast food ever. It was so spectacular, I went up to one of the staff and said "This place is amazing! How come I've never heard of it?"

The guy smiled wistfully and said "Everyone comes here, but no one ever remembers us." I looked at his name tag. It read "Dan."

I grinned, because that's the same name of one of my oldest friends. "I'll remember you, Dan!"

And apparently I did. I forgot the name of the magical restaurant, though.

* * * *

Kelly and I went to the "Odysea" Aquarium. It was neat. It's been around for a couple of years at least but we'd never been. I'm glad we did. Makes me yearn for the sea. But that's next month.

I'm not sure if listening to all this wistful music is making me more sad or more happy. Not that they're mutually exclusive, I mean overall. I feel strangely balanced. I've been thinking about Luis, about his life and his death. The pain and the loss I still feel is the cost of loving him, and I pay it gladly. To not have known him, to have nothing in that space where he now resides, is anathema to me.

It's a weight to carry, and every step is a reminder. I'd rather remember.