Someone described me as a hippie some time ago. Jokingly, I hope, because I do not consider myself part of that philosophy. Hippie-ness seems to be founded on peace, love, and laziness. I always got the feeling that a hippie doesn't own a tv, for instance, but would happily take one if it was gifted to them.

What I do, am doing, is adopting more of a Buddhist philosophy of accepting my desire for certain things, trying to understand that the desire will not necessarily go away even if it is satisfied for a time, and to learn to enjoy the wanting as much as the having.

I hope to learn to revel in such things as knowledge, music, conversation, and physical activity and lust for them to the degree that I reserve now for strawberry cheesecakes, alcohol, and cutting off Hummers.

What I am, I think, is an economist. A grizzled old economist that hates hidden costs, referred to as "externalities." Like if McDonald's fed me for free, the cost appears to be nothing. But factor in the externalities of obesity, diabetes, and, no joke, scurvy, and the cost of my free food skyrockets.

Also I don't have health insurance so I really should take better care of myself. I've taken seriously my President's suggestion that "the rest of us" should just "not get sick."

It's such a simple solution, it has been overlooked by men of genius and average intelligence alike, and it took this one to figure it out.

To add more stringy okra to this political stew, an Arizonan is running for president. Don't vote for an Arizonan. We're crazy. Superheated dust particles can sneak through the blood brain barrier (I imagine) and once there they build tiny sandcastles that they defend with little sand-guns. Ever vigilant, they ensure that no ideas pass from the left hemisphere to right hemisphere without filing the proper paperwork.

As a result, the corpus callosum is one of the deadliest places in the human brain. If you're an idea.

But we're mad, I tell you, mad! If elected, President McCain will appoint me head of the Department of Fremen. We'll live in the coolness of our subterranean dwellings and ride giant worms to and fro.

All disputes will be settled by duel. The weapon: those long foam pool noodles, aka, the Funoodle. This is the item we have in the greatest abundance, and it spans across all ethnicities and class divisions.

Hmm...maybe we should all vote for McCain. I want my giant ridin' worm! YEEEEEHAAAAW!!! [fires funoodles into the air]