More stuff I found on old disks.

Random(?) Gurgisms
18APR02

For travelling, West and North are good. I have never particularly liked South or East.

When someone says something that is very observant and you turn to them and say, "That was very observant," isn't that kind of like saying "Hey, I'm an idiot"?

I love that moment just before you drift off to sleep. The only reason I know I love it is because I have been frequently woken up during that moment so I have been able to remember what I was thinking about. That half-thinking half-dreaming place is where I figure most stuff out.

When very large animals attack me, it isn't funny.

If you ever get the opportunity to known by a completely different name, I say go for it.

Reading things I have written in my "youth" can be a lot like watching old home movies. (How many times have you watched one of those and thought, "Man, I was cool?" Probably not many.)

I do not remember a great deal of my Army training. I do remember that feeling that came with getting up at 4:30 in the morning after 3 hours of sleep, after firing all day on the range, standing at the end of the chow line, marching in the rain in off-green rain slickers, quietly munching on a fig bar from my field rations, watching training video after training video, and while holding your arms out for what seemed like forever. The reason I remember that feeling so well is because as I get older, I experience it from more and more things. I am incapable of describing it. It feels a bit like fading, not away, but losing color and vitality.

Hippopotamuses are great because they look like what they're called.

Is it ironic that people are more likely to tell you the truth when they are angry at you as an attack?

There is no reason I should have to like you.

A true ninja does not keep the enemy guessing. A true ninja keeps the enemy from guessing at all.

Cowboys used to give cocaine to their horses.

Superman is not a hero.

There is a time and place for everything. This is it.

Shiny=trouble.

Take food and sleep when you can get it.

Don't try to be too pretty. You don't want people running around thinking they like you when they don't.

Humor people only as long as they humor you.

Know what is news and why it is news. Know what is funny and why it is funny. Everything else should fall into place after that.

"Everything happens for a reason. There is no evidence suggesting that it must be a good one."
I'm sure I must have heard this somewhere. I think it would make a great outgoing message for my voice mail.

I have only heard one argument against evolution that I like: "Why would a cow or a pig evolve into something so delicious?" I had to laugh.

Watch a few music videos without the sound. This is what you look like singing in your car.

I used to be a gymnast. One day, I had some Creatine protein powder in a zip-lock bag that I was about to mix into my Gatorade. My friend Larry was watching me as I took it out of my gym bag. I noticed and offered to let him try it; I said it worked really well. He raised an eyebrow at me, then shrugged and grabbed a handful and rubbed it all over his hands. He ran over to the parallel bars and did a few spins. I guess that he thought my protein powder was hand chalk. He came back and said he didn't really notice any difference. I didn't say anything. Larry doesn't talk to me much anymore. He thinks I'm weird because I drink hand chalk.

Sometimes I make up stories about a guy named Larry. And about being a gymnast.

Death is no longer getting any information.

A lot of facts and conditions are correllary, but are not necessarily cause and effect. Do not be misled.

I think we all know why someone calls you when they're drunk.

The saying "Don't shoot until you see the whites of their eyes" disturbingly reminds me of the phrase "wide-eyed innocence."

Taking things out of context is like hearing it in another language.

"The ends justify the means." This would be true if anything ever ended.

Better decide on an epitaph now. You can always change it later on, if you want to.

It's okay to be afraid if you have nothing better to do.

If someone shouts, "Who rocks the party that rocks the party?" go ahead and say, "I rock the party that rocks the party!" and then get the hell outta there.

I do not understand why parents name their children after themselves. It isn't very considerate for their spouse. They must not realize how awkward it must be when your child has the same name as someone you've had sex with.

I made a list of all the intelligent things I've ever said in my life and became instantly depressed when I saw how short it became after I crossed off all the ones that had really been said by other people.

Baseball. Good game, although I can't figure out why they would want to record their errors.

Some people complain that they "just can't write." I avoid getting into vehicles with these people.

I often ask myself why I care so much, but without any negative connotation.

Be wary around those whose mouths can function independently of their brain.

To think or not to think; there should be no question.

If you don't have any rhythm, get some.

There is criticism concerning those who read "too much" and do not experience life. I don't think this is accurate. I experience no greater lust and zeal for life than directly after reading a great novel.

I doubt I was happy about being slapped on the butt as soon as I was born by the doctor who delivered me. It's hard to be bitter about that now, though. Especially once I learned about how rough it is being born a giraffe. Those suckers' first taste of life is dropping six feet to the ground. And then they have to walk minutes later. I'll take a slap on the ass anyday. And I do mean anyday.

Art is showing people the world through your eyes, through drawing, words, music, or any other medium of creation for that purpose.

There is a good chance you are being lied to about something, and no one is just going to tell you what that is.

A person must feel unique.

It is not important to look good in the gym. Working out is not pretty. The uglier you get in the gym, the better you look outside of it.

Do the math before you attempt to base a relationship on sex. On average, you'll have sex for about 30 minutes. There are 24 hours in a day, so that's about 1,440 minutes. That comes out to roughly 2% of your day. Even if you have sex 5 times a day that's still only a little over 10%. What are you gonna do with all the rest of that time? I mean, you can only pretend to be asleep for so long.