Today I found out what a breast implant feels like.
I'm assuming I found out the way most people find out. I donated blood.
There was a blood drive at work today. Donating blood earns me a day off and all the juice boxes I could drink. I also get to duck out of work to donate.
All for giving up a little blood. Why not? I'm full of the stuff.
I opted to give two units of red blood cells instead of whole blood. I had never done it before but I understood the procedure. Twice the amount of blood would be drawn from my eager veins, the blood would be separated into plasma, platelets, and red blood cells. My plasma would be returned to me to prevent me from collapsing into a quivering heap.
Sadly, returning the plasma does not make up the disparity between lost blood and gained fluids. Hence the large bag of saline solution hanging innocently nearby...
So now I'm full of saline solution. Just like a breast implant.
I intend to take full advantage of the situation. If you'll excuse me, I'm off to the bar to rake in the free drinks.
Truly, donating blood is the gift that keeps on giving.
I'd imagine that would make you a cheap date, one or two drinks and you'll be all sloppy and ready to be taken advantage of. Let me know how that works out for you, I may have to try it.
ReplyDeleteIt would seem donating blood affects brain function as well. I would not think it to be a good idea to drink alcohol when blood supply has been so dramatically lowered. Maybe that's just me though.
ReplyDeleteI see. Well, carry on then. I guess you have to restore your blood volume somehow and alcohol is as good as anything else, I suppose. Shine on you crazy diamond.
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