Saddle Up, Soldiers
 
Captain Gurg Frenzy here.  We're under heavy bombardment from Jaclyn's Blog-Range Metaphor Cannons.  I am currently cowering in a shallow trench that I managed to dig with my helmet before the worst of it came down.

Troops!  Troops!

I know I had some troops around here somewhere...

Here's the situation:  We have about as much verbal artillery as George Dubya without his nose-candy.  That's right; we're barely limping along. 

The plan is to accumulate some metaphors of our own so that we can fight back.  I'd prefer Metaphors Of Mass Imagery or, failing that, some of those Simile-Busters.

I don't normally do this, but desperate times call for desperate measures.  I'll even take...song lyrics.

I'm counting on you, troops.

KRAABOOM!

Whoa, that was close.  Oh man, I just wet myself.

I mean, um, that was an example of a metaphor.  You know.