I went to Sugar Daddy's last night. It's a bar in Scottsdale.

Ah, Scottsdale. It's a magical land, where mixed drinks and fake breasts rival each other in costliness and lack of substance.

I had a pretty good time there, overall.

I'd never been to that bar before. It was fun being in a new place with old friends. We sat and talked and lounged and drank and smoked and laughed. All of this conjuctive activity was a strain on my sleep-deprived body.

I zombied over to the bar and ordered a Red Bull (energy drink) mixed with Jack Daniel's (whiskey that shares the bottom-shelf with the likes of Jim Beam and Canadian Mist).

Ol' Goldstein had me try one when I was visiting him in Cali and I found the drink quite delightful, if not bio-chemically very confusing.

The bartender handed me what appeared to be a glass full of ice and then charged me roughly the cost of a six-pack of Kiltlifter and a 40 of Mickey's.

I was pissed.

I sulked back to the group with my pitiful drink. I took a sip. Yup, it tasted just like a glass of ice.

I tried to nurse my drink. Even taking the meagerest of sips at a time, I finished it in a little under six seconds.

I resisted the urge to shake my fist at the heavens and shout "Fool me once, Scottsdale..."

I set my glass of ice down and went back to lounging. I was doing well. We all were, in fact. Donovan, Alan, Matt, Mai, Lauren, Dan M, Eric, were all snugly nestled on pillows in the pseudo-couch corner. It would have made a great picture.

Someone else thought so, too. A lady with a Polaroid camera appeared out of the shadows and asked if we would all like our picture taken. One of us asked, "Well, how much is it?"

"Five bucks," she answered.

I guess I was still mirfed about my crappy expensive drink because I bolted upright. "Five bucks?!" I shouted. But I can see these assholes for free!"

Mai and Lauren immediately began pelting me with pillows so I didn't see Picture-Lady's reaction. I uncovered my face in time to see her storm off around the corner.

I guess she took my joke as well as I took the bartender's.

*Bonus Points for finding the words in this post that aren't real!