Must Have Been A Slow Night For Crime

I just walked out of my house to go to work when I noticed something unusual about my beloved car. There was much more broken glass around it than usual.

Now, my car is a 1989 Toyota Tercel. From what I remember, even in mint condition it still wouldn't be worth more than $900 dollars. And it is far from mint condition.

I peered in through my newly-ventilated passenger side.

"Amateurs."

The miscreants had broken the window, a method that is noisy, messy, and most conspicuous to any casual observers.

They should have just jimmied a bent coat hanger between the window and the door. The coat hanger would have caught the tension wire that opens the lock. C'mon, this is standard thieving procedure for an older model vehicle.

The sad part is, my car stereo which my friends from Midnight Auto wanted is, as Jake once referred to it, "A piece."

The sadder part is that they didn't even get the stereo out. When I checked it, it was as firmly in place as it ever was, if not firmer.

I was surprised when I saw that they had managed to find the button that makes the stereo face come off. It looks like that was all they got away with.

"Poor bastards. Times must be pretty tough when you're stealing stereo face plates that have almost half the buttons missing."

The trunk and the hood had been popped. I checked under the hood and everything looked fine.

I felt my first moment of real anger when I checked the trunk. From what I could tell, everything was still there.

"What?! Don't these guys know a good skateboard when they see it?! And who wouldn't want roller blades?! C'mon, there are hundreds of things you can use a bowling ball for! Don't expect me to believe that thieves have no possible use for a crow bar!"

I was pissed. Some people just can't appreciate the finer things car trunks have to offer. Philistines.

I started to head back into the house when I noticed...

"Dammit! The bastards stole my passenger-side rearview mirror! ....Oh, wait, no. I never had a passenger-side mirror."

The '89 Tercels were not made with passenger side mirrors. I always forget that, especially when I'm trying to cut someone off.

I called in to work and explained that I would probably be late. I'm supposed to wait for the police to show up now to investigate and file a report.

It's only a five hour shift, and from my experience with police efficiency, I should probably let my boss know that I won't be coming in at all.

No, I take that back. In my experience with police, they have been very good at arriving promptly when I don't want them to.

Luis was upset about the incident. He passionately described his desire to "warn the neighbors." He's been sitting and watching television the entire time I've been writing this. I'm assuming he's resting up for the long walk across the street.

It's a good thing that Paul Revere didn't have the Finding Nemo DVD.

Well, I'm going to make the most of my Saturday morning off. Breakfast sounds a-pretty good. I am going to need my strength.

After all, today is a very big day.