Obituary That I Just Wrote In English 102 And Subsequently Had To Read Aloud To The Class:

First off, Guillermo is dead. While that isn't all that can be said about him, at present it is probably the most relevant. Were that not understood, this obituary would not make much sense.

When he was alive, he managed to live roughly the length of time that everyone else does: a lifetime. His personal documents clearly state that he had not intended to live any longer than that, and had planned accordingly.

Guillermo made a marginal living from writing and had invested most of his earnings in the stock market. His final instructions were to sell all of the stock and use the money to buy everyone he knows a drink.

Survivors include his mother Arcelia, his father Leonel, his older brother Miguel, his younger brother Donaldo, his younger sister Barbara, and his littlest brother, Luis. (Stay tuned as each week another member of the Lopez family gets voted out of the house.)

Those who knew him had this to say about him:

"He was a good son, and a good brother...when he was awake."

"Not a bad guy at all. A little tough to get him to do anything productive, but not a bad guy."

"Guillermo? Was that his name?"

While the details of his demise have not yet been revealed to the public, an inside source described the results of the debacle as "Grisly, yet strangely hilarious."