Jaded Noir Detective Chronicles: Extended Analogies

Sometimes I feel like God's unwanted pet hamster, waiting in my cage and hoping for him to toss in a cardboard toilet paper tube once in a while. Sometimes, maybe even a paper towel tube. 

He hasn't cleaned out our cage in a long time. The hanging water bottle is too close to the food bowl, and some of the seeds from the medley have started to sprout. It's nice to see something growing in this place. 

The paper-based bedding has no nutrients, and the seedlings will die once their energy reserves are used up. 

Only mushrooms thrive in corpses.

The metal ball inside goes clack-clack-clack as I sip from my hanging whiskey bottle. I only drink a little. I've got a case to work on. Somebody lost an entire week. 

This could be a tough one. Better have another sip.