I imagine it is odd to live on an island. As I spend my time landlocked, whenever I wander too far I just find the road that leads me home. If I lived on an island, I wouldn't have that once I set upon another land. But then, perhaps the entire ocean leads home, eventually. The earth is round, water doesn't tarry, and I look good in an ocean kayak.

Although you'd expect me to be taller judging only by my torso. That's me; short legs, long torso, big head. I'll have to put a stabilizing pontoon on the side, or perhaps just make it a catamaran. T'would be a lame way to die; tipping over and drowning because of my huge noggin, worse still because I'm technically drowning while in a boat.

This might be acceptable if I were some hip-hop superstar and I had a huge stretch hummer limo with a giant hot-tub in which I sailed around in a tiny yacht which also had a hot tub.

The stretch hummer might swerve to miss a person and into a restaurant, causing me to fall into the tiny yacht hot tub which is so shallow I bang my head mightily (my diamond-encrusted Admiral hat will provide no protection whatsoever) and pass out until I drown. I will drown slowly, but the various divisions of rescue personnel will have a heated discussion about exactly who has jurisdiction over a maritime emergency committed in a motor vehicle that was driving through the fake cobbled streets of the Paris Las Vegas Casino.

Turns out it was the responsibility of the busboy responsible for the tables in the particular section of the restaurant where the stretch hummer finally stopped. He was taking a union-required break, which he was then using to take up the habit of smoking so he would have an excuse to talk to one of the hostesses.

These bits of trivia, including the fate of my diamond-encrusted hat, were forever lost to me as I lay drowning.