I wrote the two posts below while I was very drunk. I vaguely remember writing it and laughing at the time. I think it's supposed to be funny? I'll have to ask Jake because he was right there when I wrote it. Wait, he was laughing, too. Maybe it is funny.

Wait, no. It's really not funny at all. It doesn't even make sense unless maybe I got drunk off of fortune cookies. That's the only logical explanation.