Last Saturday's post, Beno had this to say:

"Sixth Grade Gurg looks like he should be resting a glass of wine in one hand as he seduces a naive American tourist in the heart of Constantinople."



The tourists aren't so naive, Ben. They know exactly what this was. That Kara Priddy danced with me all night and then left me to wake up alone in the hotel room to see a single rose resting on the pillow next to me. She also left the bill for all the room service we ordered.

She did, however, take the turkey that had fallen behind the bed.

"My Mom Is Neat!"

That is what I intend to say (if I'm asked to speak, of course,) at the Esperanza Awards, tomorrow night [checks watch, sees that it is now a 6:45 am] eh, tonight!

I've got my tuxedo, I've got Brian Young's digital camera, and I've got a working knowledge of the Spanish language.

It is time to become my alter-ego...

Bondez.

Juan Bondez.

Now all I need are some cool gadgets to assist me in infiltrating the Awards Ceremony. Let's see...

This official invitation could come in handy, to fool the enemy into letting me inside.

This set of shiny, jingly, car keys could be useful in distracting the enemy should they discover my true intentions.

This pen is clearly capable of...of...stabbing the enemy in the eye while they are distracted by the jingly keys.

And of course, I've already got the cool car.

Current modifications allow it to leak oil and coolant to slip up pursuers, an ejection-through-the-windshield seat, and specially worn-down brake pads to allow me to step on the brake (to activate the brake lights) and not slow down in the least.

It's a fool-proof plan, and I'm just the fool to prove it.