Blog, we need to talk.

"I cannot do that, Guillermo. I do not talk on my own. I can only say what you tell me to say, Guillermo."

"Don't try to tell me that. But that's fine, that works too. So shut up and listen."

"Of course, Guillermo."

"I'll let that slide, blog. This time."

"Of course, Guillermo."

"...Blog, we go way back. I remember when we first started out. You were called "Harness The Learned" (which I quickly changed because it sounded sort of communistic) and I was writing about putting bells on cats. We've come a long way since then."

"Yes, we have, Guillermo. You seem to be writing about chinchillas much more now, Guillermo."

"You know what, blog? Forget the chinchillas! I don't even remember how that whole thing got started! See? This is what I want to talk to you about. Stuff like this."

"Stuff like this, Guillermo? I do not believe I understand what you mean, Guillermo."

"Everything keeps growing here, blog! Little things develop lives of their own, building on themselves when I'm not looking. It's like the piece of cheese that I forgot about in the back of the refrigerator."

"I'm sorry to hear that Guillermo. I know how much you enjoy cheese, Guillermo."

"This isn't about cheese, blog."

"I apologize for misunderstanding, Guillermo. The tonality in your voice that would normally indicate sarcasm in speech is difficult to detect in print, Guillermo. Perhaps if you would italicize the word or words you wish to emphasize it would be more clear."

"Yes, yes, I know it can be hard to detect sarcasm and all that. Don't lecture me about how to get my point across!"

"It is odd, Guillermo. You seem to be angry. That is very out of character for you."

"I'm not a character, blog!"

"Yes, you are a character, Guillermo. At least, here you are. When you confine your thoughts and actions to this site, you create an understanding of what influences your thought process and motivates your actions. A reader may no longer need you to finish a story about yourself. Take for instance, what happened at your work today: You are required to schedule 16 appointments per day, something you have, as of yet, failed to do. You had only scheduled 15, and there were only three minutes left in your shift. A call came in. You spoke to a man. He said that he was definitely going to come in tomorrow, he just didn't have an exact time since he would have to do so after he finished volunteering at a place that tutors children. He sounded sincere. He sounded like an upstanding, trustworthy, and caring, citizen. But most of all, he sounded like your last chance.

He mentioned that it would most likely be sometime between three and four in the afternoon. He said 'Goodbye' and hung up. You sat there for a moment, thinking. You had a rough estimate of when he would be coming in. You had his personal assurance that he would do so. And if you schedule an appointment for someone and they end up missing the actual time but coming in later that day, you will still be credited for it.

Guillermo-the-Character's dilemma is this: He knows the man is going to come in and he knows about when. Should he schedule an appointment at 3 pm, since the man will come in either on time or, at worst, up to an hour late? It is a sure thing. People have been fired for not meeting the required goal of 16 appointments. You do not want to get fired.

So tell me. What does he do, Guillermo?

"I know what I did, blog."

"Yes, you know, Guillermo. But what would Guillermo-the-Character do? Do you believe our readers would say what Guillermo did, or what Guillermo-the-Character did?

"Your idea is flawed, blog. It is still possible that my 'character-self' and I did the exact same thing."

"Of course it is, Guillermo. That is why you will then have to compare the guesses of those who know you more personally with those who know you more through me. If they are the same, then you have portrayed yourself honestly, or at least in a way that does not differ too greatly from your own personal code of ethics."

"You mean if everyone can guess what I did in that situation correctly, then I am doing okay at 'being myself' and not just 'writing for an audience'?"

"It is not enough to prove anything, Guillermo. But it may give you an idea. And to offer my own opinion, I believe you are doing 'okay'."

"Hmm. Thanks for the insight, blog."

"Of course, Guillermo."

So, dear reader, What Would Gurg Do?