Scaresville, USA

The most popular haunted attraction in Arkham, Massachusetts, is a two-story colonial style with fading, flaking paint that sits just a little ways outside of town. It's old, but the gable roof still has most of its shingles, and the windows glow warmly with light from the large fireplace. 

Every 1st of October, at dusk, "Scaresville, USA" (as the hand-painted sandwich board on the front porch proclaims) is open for business.

The house isn't there at all the rest of the year, but most people don't remember that. 

When you enter the house, you are greeted by an elegant double stairway, that cozy fireplace, and another sandwich board that reads "Welcome to America's FIRST and ONLY Almost-Infinite Haunted House! Pick a room, any room!" 

From this point, you are allowed up the stairs one at a time. No group tours, I'm afraid. 

Once you reach the top, you may enter any room, but once you do, your tour has officially begun and from that point on, you are restricted to the following choices: 

1. You may go forward and make your way to the end of the room, where another door awaits you, and your next room.

2. Your other option is to immediately go back out the door you came through, but beware! It is now an exit, and will take you out of the house entirely. You'll find yourself back out on the green lawn, under your shade tree. From there you can easily find your own way home. 

There are no refunds.

There is a third option: to remain in the room. As you will have no escort, no one will force you to move forward or go back. It is extremely unlikely you will choose this third option.

You may explore as long as you like, provided you are willing to keep going. 

One small disclaimer: Scaresville USA is only nearly infinite, and as such cannot statistically guarantee a completely unique experience. Some rooms do occur more frequently than others.

Before we continue, please understand that while you may experience some discomfort, no permanent harm will come to you. When you leave the house, you will be in the same physical state as when you entered. 

With that in mind, the following are some of the rooms that you may encounter:

A room where an axe murderer chops you to bits.

A room where you attend a slumber party with your college friends and are slowly picked off one by one by one by one by one.

A room where you are sent to the electric chair for a crime you didn't commit.

A room in which you are sealed alive, brick by brick, into the ancient family catacombs of a man you thought was a friend.

A room where an ancient horror stalks you through the dead streets of a forgotten city.

A room full of squirrels for some reason. (There is also one filled with geese, but the reason for that should be obvious.)

A room where your skin falls off. (Usually the next room is the hot sauce room, but not always.)

A room where you work the same job for 20 years without a promotion.

A room where no one comes to your birthday party.

A room where your family doesn't talk to you anymore. 

A room where you meet your soulmate and fall in love and then one day they leave and you don't know why or if they're even still alive.

A room where you again, meet that same soulmate, but this time, when they leave you, you know exactly why.

A room full of kittens that are all afraid of you; they hiss at your approach and flee from your touch.

A crowded, noisy room where everyone speaks as if they're posting anonymously on the internet. 

A room where you have the objectively perfect hair, face, and body, but you can no longer recognize yourself in pictures, or in the mirror.

A room full of dead spiders, on the ground, on the walls, and on the ceiling, but you just know not all of them are dead, and they are very very hungry.

A room where no matter what you do, you keep hurting the ones you love. 

This list is not all-inclusive. 

It's surprising that anyone would ever come back, let alone make repeat visits, but some do.  

Why? Because they know those aren't the only rooms, of course. Scaresville, USA is nearly infinite. Somewhere in this haunted...house, could very well be a handful of rooms that make going through all those scary things worth it. 

And they will may find that room, eventually. 

Then they can choose the third option.

You see, this didn't always used to be a haunted house. Finding the perfect room used to happen all the time. Over the centuries, people kept finding rooms, and choosing to stay. What we didn't expect, was that they would not only choose to stay, but to lock the the door so no one else could get in behind them. A bit naive of us not to consider that possibility, but then, we were the first. 

So those perfect rooms have become their rooms, and we expect they plan on keeping them forever. The rest of us are left out here, to fight through the horrors that remain.

Welcome to Scaresville, USA. 

-dedicated to Thomas Logotti, who is way better at this.

-CHANGING MY MIND: Dedicated to Sibbitt. 

Authors note: This one took a lot out of me. What is this, number six? I managed to beat my arbitrary midnight deadline at least. Almost just went to sleep because of general weariness but then Jared said he looked forward to reading the new stuff and I kinda had to. 

In hindsight, sitting down to list all the really scary things one might find in a supernatural haunted house was a bad idea and I ended up depressing myself. The original ending was going to be that there's a room waiting somewhere for each and every one of us if only we have the courage and dedication to persevere but while I was making my list, my optimism was slowly trickling down the drain like that scene from Psycho. I had named it Scaresville, USA because it's cheesy as hell and it would be funnier when it turned out to be supernatural but then...well you read it, probably. 

So good night, and I hope to see you tomorrow night for another eerie Halloween tale to chill your bones. I love you all.