Do I, at times, despair? Yes, sort of. I hold my despair like a crappy tattoo of a werewolf fighting a unicorn. It's there, it's not going anywhere, and while I can't get rid of it, it doesn't seem to be getting any worse. 

If I had a month off, I might stop taking my medication and see what happens. So very curious. 

Travel back into the psychological past.

I don't know. I'm not unhappy with my brain now. I'm just curious. Trying to remember how I used to think. Maybe it's like trying to remember when I was in really good shape. Everything was easier? I have been pushing my exercise regimen to slightly more than I feel I can handle when I noticed I wasn't struggling at the end like I used to. 

I've probably told this old army story about how I was mistakenly placed in the fastest running group "A Group!" and I'm pretty sure I was not among the fastest. Still, there I was. I managed to not "fall out" so I guess it worked out.

My knee still likes to remind me it isn't entirely happy with me from time to time. Hey, join the club, knee. Join the club.