I am a firm believer in Hru-doo, which is kind of like the Voodoo my older brother studies but firmly entrenched in science. Some time ago, I began a ritual to create a new being. My Hru-doo manual outlined the procedure. Relatively simple, as sci-thaumatics goes. It is technically a sacrifice, but I didn't have to make any ridiculous symbols or chant any magic words.

All I had to do was kill every monk seal in the world. Now that that's taken care of, I can claim my reward.

In hindsight, I should have specified what new being I wanted. Ah, well. At least I don't have to worry about those damn seals knocking over my trash cans. Still, I got myself pretty excited for a cybernetic monkey army.

One of my other esoteric studies, as of two days ago, is the Way of the Samurai. Technically I am a ronin, since I have no master. So far it's going okay. The Way of the Warrior touches upon a variety of aspects of daily life that might seem to have little to do with wildly swinging a sword around and shouting made-up Japanese (the cornerstone of my previous experience).

Cleanliness is important. Getting up early is important. Not losing my temper. Seeking improvement in all things, never protection. Be prepared for death; live as if already dead.

Which reminds me, when I die I need my brain destroyed so I don't come back as a zombie. And maybe shoot me with a silver bullet so I don't come back as a werewolf. Oh, and a stake through the heart so I don't become some weepy brooding vampire. Most importantly, bury me in a speedboat so I don't come back as a manatee.