Ah, the magic of office e-mails.  I received this question from Beth (who was also working very hard in another part of the city) after I mentioned the delightful menu offered by our own company cafeteria.

"my coworker bryan, being as clever as he is, wants to know if the crap sandwiches should actually be called crapwiches??"

Dear Bryan,

There is no rule requiring a sandwich to alter it's name to reflect the properties of said sandwich.  Having said that, there is precedent:  Note the "Spamwich" (the name indicating the sandwich contains Spam, or contains some other filling and Spam has been substituted for bread) or the "Manwich," (another trademarked foodstuff that has become colloquial, usually in more urban settings.)

Both of these examples display the tendency of proper nouns and common food names to amalgamate.  Foodstuffs in a sandwiches that are not proper nouns do not display this property.  A ham sandwich does not become a "hamwich," an egg sandwich does not become and "eggwich," nor does adding cheese to a Spamwich and grilling it result in a "GrillcheeSpamwich."

Also, the word "sandwich" is an arbitrary name.  It is incapable of being broken down into a root word, suffix, or prefix (which is unfortunate for you medical types.)

Finally, there is precedent for my choice of "crap sandwich."  A closely-related term still in popular usage is "shit sandwich," and in cleaning up the language I have chosen not to meddle with the phrase any further.  

But hey, what's in a name?  A Spamwich by any other name will still make your bowels clench tighter than Oprah's hand on a turkey drumstick.  

Or would that be a "turkstick?"

Love,

Guillermo

P.S.  Hey, why don't we capitalize the phrase "proper nouns?"