Feeling strained, like butter over too much toast. Probably because I stayed up until 1 am last night watching clips of Star Trek conventions. Made me miss acting/performing. It's a strange thing, viewed from afar, to carve out those seconds and minutes of performance from hours and days of interminable suffering.

That may be why there's so much not-very-good stuff out there. It's so hard to make anything at all.

Tonight I must get to bed early, lest I suffer needlessly again. Still, summer is here. More daylight, less night. Hard to get my brooding in when it's all sunny.

The Next Generation was my favorite. Donaldo, Barbara, and I would watch it together because it came on at 9 pm, and reruns of The Simpsons weren't on until 10. I also enjoyed Deep Space Nine. I feel like I stopped watching a lot of TV in the middle of the DS9 run. Started working, had a car, went out a lot more. Not having finished the series created an odd nostalgia for it. I miss the feelings it stirred, more so than any particular tale it told.

Actors call that "sub-text".

Sitting US president meeting with North Korea's dictator. Maybe they'll keep each other busy while the rest of us can go about our business.

Package bombs are going off in Austin. That was fast. Some guy made a device to "deter" thieves from stealing packages left on his porch. When someone picked up the box, it would basically fire a shotgun shell filled with just the powder. I think he was even selling them.

The internet found it amusing, and I suppose it was. As a person who has been a professional greyhat (since this morning when I was going to the bathroom), the potential for the device to be used to do harm was obvious. Obviously, if it uses a shotgun shell, what's to stop someone from just not emptying the shot? Crazy stuff.

Now I'm going to have to get a poking pole for my packages. Give em a good poke, knock em over before I pick them up.

That reminds me, I need to update my paranoia list in general. Got to keep a rotation to keep the paranoia fresh. Otherwise it dulls into general fear, which isn't useful. Fear makes people behave too predictably. Also, it's exhausting, and I'm too lazy for all that.

Was I productive this weekend? A little, yes. Rigged up a watering system for the clover, and even put down some stepping stones. Filled up a box with crap and soon I will throw it away. One box a weekend should do it. Clean by summer.

I didn't leave the house. Wait, I went to the store on Sunday. That counts.

What the heck is even happening. Oh yeah, I ordered a new chair. For sitting. It's going to be great; my rump-sense is tingling.

My Pebble watch is no longer supported. It will still work as an alarm, and as a watch, but no more push notifications. I'm pleased about the alarm aspect at least. No need to go back to the Stone-Age ways of setting an audio alarm. Might as well live in a cave.

Something I was supposed to do...but what? Get rid of crap. Definitely that. Got lots of crap around. Might be a good time to dismantle the storage shed too. I don't know. Oh wait, shade sails. I need concrete and buckets. And poles. To the concrete bucket pole store!

Grow, my pretties, grow! If you want to. I'm only telling you what to do under the assumption that we have a mutual understanding about free will and that I can't "make" you do anything. When I give a command like this, it's a form of encouragement, like an inner-voice except on the outside. An expression of our shared desire for a specific outcome in a world where nothing is certain. I guess what I mean is I think I love you?

Despairing, in a tower of iron. Miles of stairways and no doors. Gifts appear at random. Almost all are heavy.

*****

Had to talk myself out of purchasing a pressure washer. Rationalized it by how much I'll save on car washes. Except I rarely wash my car. But can clean driveways and patios too! I have those! But no. Someday, but not today.

More wild antics at the house! Yesterday, we planted clover. Will it live, will it die, will it fade, or will it thrive? Who knows! Success means less dust in the house from blowing wind. Erosion is the enemy, unless it's making a cool new canyon, but not in my backyard. Okay, maybe a little one.

I hurt my back cleaning Watson's ears. He hates it and there was a lot of wrasslin'. From what I understand of back pain, nothing helps and everything is terrible, so I'll just deal with it. Through sheer force of will. I tell the pain, SHUT UP.

I just sat through a meeting in which we sat through an advertisement for a self-help book. I'm feeling feisty after holding my tongue through those meaningless platitudes. ONLY YOU are responsible for your success. If you fail, it's because you're not a good enough employee, that you lacked the SHEER WILL to succeed. It's unrelated to the fact that the workplace spends zero resources on training, development, and implementing institutional changes to effect meaningful change.