Cooking

 Let me preface this by saying that I know it's a bad idea to cook while naked, and that I'm not stupid enough to ever do that.

I was not cooking; I was only moving the freshly-cooked Spanish rice from the pan to a storage container. And I was wearing a towel.

I don't have to justify myself. (I will, but I don't have to.) I'm still unraveling the art of making Spanish rice and while I am certainly improving, I cannot yet say that I'm an expert. Probably because I look up the recipe and then think "oh yeah this isn't so hard" and then don't look at it again. 

Life is just more exciting this way. 

But now I have pretty dang good rice for tomorrow, and probably another scar. It's no big deal. I've got so many scars, and they all tell a story. Usually that story is "I was hungry and didn't wait for it to cool down."

I didn't say they were good stories.

What day is it today...Monday! That's it. I have a tiny goal of sitting down for a few minutes in the evening, after I've taken my nightly shower, and writing down my thoughts. It's very easy to get stuck in the same patterns of thinking. One of the useful things about this blog is the ability to re-read it and realize I've been behaving like a jackass. Like how I'm so much less tolerant of any amount of discomfort. I blame the medication. That's the thing about being depressed; I was half-miserable all the time so I would do a lot more stuff, because what's a little more suffering?

Oh, it's cold outside? That's fine; the icy grip of sadness is already clutching at my throat; I doubt I'll even notice it.

Hey what the hell...I appear to have downloaded something called MuseHub. Was I drunk on the internet again? I vaguely remember thinking about making music. Also thinking that it's probably too late to get really good at learning to play an instrument, but not too late to use music software to make sad banjo songs.

Yeah, I must have. I also seem to have downloaded Audacity. Oh wait, I think that was because I wanted to record myself reading Moby Dick so when I die and if someone wants to hear my voice again, they'll have to sit through Moby Dick. 

It's very easy to get stuck in the same patterns of thinking.

Been very busy trying to create an ambient space for ideas to gestate. 

Okay, no I haven't. I've been looking up the difference between alpacas and llamas. I thought I would know instinctively, but I guess I don't know my even-toed ungulates as well as I thought. 

Size: Alpacas are small. Llamas are large. 

Face: Llamas got the long face. Lamentably long, is how I'll remember that. 

Hair: Alpacas have shaggy hair that is finer than llama hair, and makes really nice wool. So when in doubt, I'll make a sweater out of the hair and the nicer one is probably the alpaca. 

(Besides the alpaca and the llama, there are two other extant lamoids: the guanaco and the vicuña. I'm sleepy so I'm not going to try to think of mnemonic devices for telling them apart. I'll leave that problem for future, South American Guillermo to figure out.)

We're close enough to the train tracks that when it goes by, the mirrors in our house rattle against the walls. The train rarely runs at night, but when it does, at least it never blows its horn. I'll wake up sometimes, to silence, and wonder if it passed by and I was just now waking up. 

Zoo

Yesterday was great. I went to the Phoenix Zoo. The last time I had gone, the hyena was dead. Presumably, it's still dead, but the point is that I really like hyenas and I was sad about it. The zoo has a new hyena exhibit, and they've done a few other cool things also. The weather was extremely pleasant. 

It's an excellent zoo. One of the best in the country, in my opinion. 

Now it's bedtime. 

I wonder if I'll dream of animals.

Caught The Air

Sometimes I think I hear an ocean. The wind over waves. Dropping anchors in safe harbors. 

Can't leave footprints in an ocean. Not like the desert, in all this sand. 

There is so much to see. 

I'm in bed at a reasonable hour (for me anyway). I'll get up early tomorrow and try to see. 

Oh yeah and I've got this chocolate bread stuff to eat for breakfast. That's gonna be good. 

today

I've had a slight headache today. That's unusual for me. 

I went to the funeral of Grandma Liem today. Also unusual. 

It wasn't called a funeral; it was a "celebration of life." And it was. There was as much laughter as there were tears. 

She wasn't my biological grandmother; she was my mom's godmother. An all-around great person. I probably wouldn't be here without her, since she had a hand in my parents getting together. 

Later in the evening, Barbara, Ender, and I went to see Good Luck, Have Fun, Don't Die. It was wild. 

Sometimes I feel like I know exactly what I'm doing, and sometimes I feel like I have no idea. 

 Usually multiple times, throughout the span of a single day. 

Today is a beautiful day. 

Feb 9th

It's not yet midnight yet; that means there's time to write. 

Because it's not the future yet. Still plenty of time to capture the moment. 

Sweep away the half-muttered curses that have gathered in the corners. 

Whatever hurt me is probably still out there but it isn't here now. 

Check the cobwebs for answers. 

This sounds morose but I'm going for contemplative. I'm just so used to seeing beauty in all things ya know? 

The Three C's is something I've been thinking about. I forget where I heard this...

Create. Create something every day. 

Community? Do something with other people. Maybe it was Connect. That sounds right. Talk to people. Go see 'em and stuff. Leaving the house can be annoying because you have to put on pants but you can also get to put on fun socks. 

Cherish. I think it meant to appreciate any dang old thing that is pretty cool but maybe we take for granted. Like a cookie.

Cookie also starts with "c". 

I've been dreaming so much lately. And I already dream a lot. I wake up and feel like I've lived a dozen lives.

It's interesting. Kind of feels like cheating. Most people only get one life, and here I am with more than I know what to do with. 

It does feel like it gets lost when I wake up. Lessons are learned, but most slip away by the time I've brushed my teeth. 

I'll keep practicing.