Busy weekend. Birthdays. Work meetings. Sorority formals. Getting bitten by the meanest ferret ever (aka Cap'n Fuzzbeard) and even a bit of salsa dancing.

It occurs to me that I may be keeping myself busy just to keep myself from being introspective. I'm writing it down because I'm trying not to think about it.

I'm reading about Miyamoto Mushasi. It is hard to separate the man from the legend. Except for what he actually wrote. The greatest swordsman that ever lived and I can still hear his voice.

Nifty.

My schedule is approaching something almost normal. I've been going to sleep around two and getting up around 7 or 8. I guess that's not normal, but certainly much more regular. Like fiber for the circadian rhythms.

I made some dogtags at work today. Like most of the pet merchandise I buy, I intend to wear them myself. One tag says my name (legal, not my common name) and my social security number, much like my official and long-since-lost Army tags. The other tag says "Above all else, do no harm." I heard the phrase on an episode of Deadwood. It was uttered by a shell-shocked doctor. I'm not sure why I put that on the dogtag. I'm not exactly a pacifist.

I guess I'm just going to try and follow the spirit if not the letter. We'll see what happens.

If it doesn't work out I can always make new dogtags.

I have entered The Noobers in all-out fight to the death...er, fight to the cuteness.

My poor, poor, ugly dog.

In other dog-related news I have purchased a pair of "doggles." When my manager asked why I was buying them I told her "I'm going to wear them." And I am. I had to modify them a bit but they're still more comfortable than any other human goggles I've worn.

To the Dog-mobile!

I'm trying to breathe some life back into this long-neglected blog of mine.

Classes are in full swing and I feel very good about them so far.

Antics since the time of the last post include:

1. Accidentally sneaking into my little brother Luis's wrestling meet and saving 3 dollars. (It really was an accident; I can't help it if some people are intimidiated by dark-skinned people with shaved heads and satchels.)

2. While working at the pet store this weekend, it was my job to transfer the bunnies from the back room to the front of the store. This was fairly easy; I just picked up bunnies and put them in a pen I had prepared. I was carrying the last bunny when I passed by the dog toy aisle. I grabbed a toy stuffed bunny that was white like the bunny I was carrying. As I approached the front counter I shouted to my supervisor "Hey Amy! Catch the bunny!" and I flung the toy bunny in a high arc towards her. She managed to catch it. Fair play to her. After she got over the initial shock of me hurling what she though were live animals, she found it pretty amusing. I'm just glad I didn't mix up the toy bunny and the real bunny.

3. I am in the process of trying to get new contact lenses. I've been wearing this two-week pair for about...3 months? They've withstood the test of time and I have yet to get any weird eye diseases, but I think it's time for new ones. The problem is that my prescription is only good for a year and I can't order more contacts without paying for a new eye exam. My prescriptions haven't changed in the past four years, so I tried to go through a website to order contacts. The website wanted a confirmation of my prescription, so I got a copy of my last prescription, forged them very poorly, and faxed it in. I just received an email saying my lenses are on their way.

That's about it for antics, I think. But the year is young.

I can now add "sugar glider" and "chinchilla" to the list of animals that have bitten me. The sugar gliders hang out in little cloth pouches and I when I poked some food in for them there was an explosion of fur and teeth. I escaped relatively unscathed.

I can't really complain. Some other guy was bitten by one of the puffer fish while he was cleaning its tank.

Sunday was the annual marathon here in Tempe. I didn't run it this year. I felt I lacked the physical, mental, and financial resources to try it again. However, I did give some sick kittens their medicine and wear a ferret on my head. Not at the same time.

School begins soon. I've stumbled into mostly biology classes and another chemistry class. No swimming this year. Did I mention I failed swimming? Yeah, tradition dictates that I have to fail an un-failable course at least once every academic year. I didn't drown. It just got cold outside. Take a swimming course during the winter semester? What was I thinking?

I'm hoping to weasel into some kind of writing class before the week is out. Come to think of it, I'm hoping for a lot of things.

Good night.

The latest scientific study suggests that a person is stupidest right when they wake up. Stupider even than when they haven't slept for 24 hours. Stupider than if they're drunk.

I don't find this very helpful. I would rather not have science on my side when I am debating going into work after being up all night drinking. Not now, Science, I say. Not now.

Although, science scores big points because students at Cal-tech have figured out how bumblebees fly. This is insignificant because from an engineering standpoint, those fuzzy bastards should be as flightless as the dodo. It's pretty kick-ass how the students figured out the mechanics behind it. I'm not sure I understand it myself, but it has something to do with their wings, I think. Don't quote me on that.

I feel a bit odd. Also a bit jittery. I suspect the large amount of coffee I drank a few hours ago. I haven't had much caffeine since classes let out. My stomach is wrenching about. My eyes feel like they're seeing through things instead of what I'm trying to look at. It's like having very crappy super-powers.

"Stop, evil-doers!"

"Aw, rats! It's Jittery Wall-eyed Nauseated Man! He'll...he'll...annoy us with pretentious banter?"

"What is 'being pretentious' really? Perhaps I am merely behaving in a pretentious manner to illustrate the absurdity of pretending that others actually see me as the person I am sarcastically feigning to be?

"YAAAARGH!"

I think I would actually be classified as a super-villain. Hmm. I've always flirted with the Dark Side, but I never expected to develop a relationship. That'll fit nicely into my current modus operandi of my complete inability to expect the expected.

For now, I will be know as 3:40-In-The Morning-Boy. My super-power will be the ability to go to bed at 3:40 in the morning.

"But why are Guillermo and 3:40-In-The-Morning-Boy never seen at the same time?"

Wink.

The pet shop is good times. My new goal is to get bitten or stung by every animal in the store. I've run through all the basic pets: puppy, kitten, ferret, dwarf hamster, and cockatiel. I'm counting chinchilla as well even though it didn't happen in the store, in fact, I hardly knew him.

I've learned that bunnies can scream. I always thought it was an urban legend, but I tell you that I heard the banshee bunny with my own two ears. I felt sorry for the little guy. Sometimes you're already having a bad day and then some asshole comes along and flips you upside down to try to figure out what sex you are. I say let the bunnies have their secrets. Jebus knows we all have ours.

Since business traditionally occurs during the day, I've been forced to adapt to the local customs and wake up at a reasonable hour. I'm not quite adjusted to the new schedule. This past weekend I had returned home from a moderate work day of lugging around 50-pound bags of animal food and wet sand (who buys wet sand anyway?!) I snuggled down to catch a quick nap and go out that evening. My nap turned into an all-nighter. Er, into the opposite of an all-nighter? Hmm. I guess it was the opposite of the popular but counter-intuitive term "all-nighter." Yes.

Having slept all night, I was refreshed. My internal clock is violently trying to reset itself.

It isn't even 2 am and I'm already on my way to bed. I guess I have dreams to look forward to. Heh, last night I dreamt up the entire 7th book of Harry Potter. If it gets made into a movie, it will probably be rated "R." None of this pussy-footing about in my version. One of my favorite parts is where Neville is finally pushed too far and turns his own hand into stone while it is locked around the throat of the enemy. C'mon, you know he has it in him. He's like a little Hogwarts version of the Punisher.

Also, Ron and Hermione finally hook up BUT she is possessed by a spirit when it happens and at the same time Ron has been poly-juiced into a female version of himself. Heh heh, and you thought drunkenly making out with co-workers is awkward?

What Rowling has consistently failed to realize is that when you're dealing with magic, you have to take things up a notch.

Good night.