what

Oh drat it's tomorrow already. 

I'm just going to sleep so well it won't matter that it's not enough. 

I've got a new comforter. It's lavender. Because they didn't have a proper purple, and I wanted something different from the dark reds I'm generally fond of. 

again

Here we are again. I meant to get to bed at a more reasonable hour. Not quite midnight; got a whole 25 minutes to go. I'm listening to the rain that isn't really rain (just dark jazz and rain noises on my phone) and imagining a slightly different world. 

It's fun. 

To the casual observer, I may seem dour, brooding, even a little dangerous, but I assure you, I am actually quite silly. 

Sometimes the rain is louder, and other times the music is louder, that's all. 

Having time off was not as productive as I hoped, but I did do enough to reach a kind of tipping point. 

I'm really enjoying having a mostly clear kitchen counter and dinner table. 

It feels like I can be more with less. And yet, that also is a fallacy because humans our tools, yes, but we also need art, decorations, frivolous stuff. Can't always be in survival mode; that's not a sustainable way to live. 

The stars gather planets to their orbit; so we gather loved ones and beautiful things. 

At least we should. 

Another midnight

And another nightmare. Everyone was wearing masks. 

I've accomplished almost everything I meant to today. Accomplished is probably the wrong word. Small goals were achieved, two days in a row. Creating a sense of consistency. 

It's a beautiful night. 

I don't have traditional nightmares anymore. I used to wake up afraid of things I'd been dreaming. I don't remember when that changed. A few nights ago, I dreamt there was something creeping around the house. I woke myself up because I was making a low, gutteral growl in the back of my throat. 

I don't know what that means. 

Fog

The fog writhed grey in the darkness, twisting coils choking the streetlights. The sidewalk was slick, and I picked my way carefully home. I knew the path from my door to the pub very well, although I confess the way back was harder to remember. After a few pints, the cobweb pattern of streets and alleys were harder to navigate, especially in the dark. 

I usually make it home eventually. 

Scraps from a journal

It's one of those times when I know I'm strong but I need to be stronger, I know I'm smart but I need to be smarter, I've got a hundred big ideas but I need to just pick one and run with it. 

Waiting for signs, like a fool. Everything's a sign...just pick one and run with it. 

Decluttering has gone okay. It's difficult; that's no surprise. It's hard to admit that what you really need isn't very much. 

The urge to withdraw is strong. Like a hermit crab retreating into its shell, or a hamster hiding in a toilet paper tube. 

Still, I have the threads of a plan, I think. Mostly involves working really hard. Diligence. And a consistent sleep schedule. 

Goodnight!

"When she remembers me, I'll be alive again."

"If she remembers you."

Good Habits

For the most part, trying to master any skill starts with carving out time to practice. On top of that, it's about finding slivers of opportunity in which to practice even more. 

Waiting in line at the grocery store? Discreetly check for security cameras. Most big stores have them everywhere, but what you want to do is learn to spot them without looking like you're trying to find them. 

If you're waiting for the barista to call your name for your coffee, scan the other customers as they go up ahead of you. You're looking for any obvious weak points. A limp. A cast on an arm or a wrist. Hearing aids or glasses with the thick, convex lenses that indicate farsightedness. A lot of people hold their car keys while they wait so you can get an idea of the make of their vehicle. With practice, you may even learn to tell what model. Again, discretion is key. Don't try to look like you're not looking. It's normal for people to look up at a loud noise, sudden movement, or someone shouting a name. Glance over like a normal human being, than return to what you were doing. Hold that image in your mind, that snapshot, and run your scan. 

And don't ever pretend to do something else while you look at the person. If you ever see someone looking at you while they're simultaneously doing something else, they're either a cop or a serial killer. Best to just pretend you didn't notice them surveiling you and proceed as normal until you can get out of their line of sight. Corners are good. Get around the corner, and then walk briskly, like you're an important person and you're late for a meeting. Do not run. Running is suspicious. Do not look back to see how close a pursuer might be. If they catch you, you'll know. 

Nowadays, it's suspicious to not have a cell phone, so bring a phone that isn't activated anymore, (maybe purchased with cash at a pawn shop) and fiddle with that while you hunt. 

Don't bring your actual phone; it will ping your location when it connects to cell phone towers. If the police try to connect you to the last known location of the trophy, that's the first thing they'll check. It'll show you were home, and if they're typicals, they'll just move on to the next suspect. Might be tricky if somebody calls or texts during that time and you didn't respond. But it's probably fine. Nobody ever calls you anyway. 

Fortune favors the prepared, and good luck is the residue of good planning. Remember, wherever there are people, there is the potential to be practicing. 

Happy Hunting. 

THE END